A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 years and a half moved away a few days ago to another state.. 6 hour flight away from here. We've always just spent time together so when the news was announced we figured it was just right to call it quits.. how ever, as the time approached in the past 4 months, our relationship has been at it's peak. Seeing him off was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and missing him everyday now isn't hard to cope..I couldn't do long distance and I don't know if I could settle with being his friend or nothing at all :(I'm so confused.)He still calls/texts and talks to me at least once a day.. and is always the one who initiates the conversation. He has said to me on many occasions subtley and outright that he misses me... but he would be unhuman if he didn't ... it's only been 3 days.He wants to still talk and visit each other when we can BUT i'm assuming by a text he said "you will end up with the best like you deserve" that it means he wants to move on too.. I don't know if I could handle just one day him stopping caring.. right now it's easy cause I know he cares, he takes the time to remind me he's thinking of me and to be strong for him.. but friends would be so hard, what if one day he doesn't care? what if he moves on? what if he realises we're better as friends and i wont? It's so hard not to see him, it's like sometimes my brain tricks me like I'll be seeing him tomorrow but then i break down when I realise, I wont.Everything is so indefinite, he is probably going to be gone for 4 years minimum.. He said that if he was really unhappy there he would come back because he only left to stay with his dad (who is sick) as his parents split up.. it's all really complicated. He has a life here, lots of friends and we still love each other..I can't ask him to come back, it would be so selfish of me and he couldn't even if I did.. What am I supposed to do?:(
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female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (16 June 2010):
i'm going through a very similar situation. my long distance relationship almost ended, and a factor of it was because of the distance. i wasn't the one to intiate the wanting to break up, so i was so hurt. my boyfriend told me he wanted me to be with someone better, and wanted me to find someone that was always there for me. he said he didn't see himself moving to where i live at any point in his life. he says he still cares about me, which i believe. but it's the letting go which is the hardest! I couldn't imagine myself without him in my life. He has such a big part in my life, how could go on without him? The simple answer is that you have to. It's hard that your now ex is away, and you're going to miss him like heck!! thats supposed to happen. but if you REALLY want to get over him, you need to cut contact for a little while. Which is VERY hard to do. But just for some time, focus on yourself. Surround yourself with all your friends, and focus on what you want in life. Don't let him dictate your future. But if you guys DO want this to work, you will have to put 100% into the relationship. Contact lots, make plans to see eachother lots, call, communicate!! I hope everything works out for the best.
A
female
reader, fishy fish  +, writes (16 June 2010):
I'm definitely not writing this to make u feel better as much as i'm sincere about every word i'm writing, i had the very same situation and he was 13 hours away from me, yet our relation survived at the time , however u guys need to frame the relationship , meaning u should decide when to see each other, decide if ur on the same page, same life perspective, same goals otherwise u won't have a solid basis to rely on. Meanwhile sweety you'll get used to his absence with time and ur agony will decrease every single day, it's hard to handle a long distance relationship but it's not impossible neither it's the end, Good luck .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): im really sorry, that is really difficult. firstly, consider why you miss him so much. it could be the mere fact that you just want what you cant have. or that absence makes the heart grow fonder. if this isnt the case, then its a bit more complicated.
i'd say keep in touch with him and make sure you guys do stay friends. i would try not to talk about the relationship part, unless he does. Its possible that he will come back, especially if he has friends and family and you here. just dont get too hung up on him, make sure you still let others in and dont let opportunities pass you by
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