A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,So I met this boy in my freshman year of college... I met him through a Christian group on my campus. We became good friends. What I liked about him was that he shared my faith in the love of God. It definitely showed in his life; he turned out to be a loyal friend that would always be there for me (and for his other friends) and he genuinely cared about me and others.After a few months of friendship, I dated this boy (let's call him Joe) for almost a year.Prior to dating, one of my main expectations in a man was that he needed to be disciplined in his faith before we dated. This means that I expect the man to read his bible daily, and to include God in his daily life. It turned out after dating Joe for a while that even though he was a Christian, he wasn't disciplined in his faith; he only read his bible once in a while, and he didn't always include God in everything.We broke up, ultimately because I felt like I was settling; Joe didn't meet my expectations about devoted faith. But as I think about it, I think about how Joe still has God as part of his life, and how if he had the right people in his life, he could be very disciplined in his faith.He is still a loyal friend. Not that we talk as often as we used to, because we're broken up- but he's still the same friend that I can count on to be there for me that he was before we started dating. He's the type of person that I can count on for the rest of my life; I know he would stay faithful to me forever. He doesn't give up on friendships, he honors his committments, he treats people well, and he doesn't hold grudges. All important must-haves in a long-term committment.Was I settling, or do I give him encouragement and time to change? I really love Joe, but I also don't want my heart to rule over my head. I know he wants to be more disciplined in his faith (not because I want him to, but by his on will), but it hasn't happened.
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female
reader, silenced +, writes (6 August 2011):
 I have two opinions on this.
Just because he didn't read his bible daily does not mean he wasn't disciplined in his faith. He obviously shows many Christian characteristics and is a very kind and courteous man. There are plenty of Christians who read the bible every day but don't include God in their every day life. Some of these people who seem dedicated to their faith aren't that great of people, but some of them still are. Reading your bible every day, I think, doesn't have a reflection on how dedicated you are in your faith. This guy, however, seems like he is a true good guy and definitely close to God in his way of showing how God wants a person to be.
This being said, if you feel like you were settling, then don't feel bad for breaking up. We all meet amazing people in our lives that would be perfect to date, but they just don't have certain attributes that are necessities to us. It's not their fault, nor is it your own, as long as you realize that nobody is perfect and everyone has their faults.
You're around my age, so you have plenty of time to either see where things go with him or find another guy that meets more of your faith-based needs.
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (5 August 2011):
 Don't feel bad for breaking up with him. He didn't meet all of your expectations or have the characteristics you were looking for. Don't settle for less than what you want. And if you're considering giving him another chance, then don't do it until you know for sure he's more serious about his faith so you won't be disappointed again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): As a christian myself, I had the same guidelines in my head for a relationship. however, after time, I learned that you cannot force your faith on anyone.
You like to read your bible daily, which is great. but just because you do it, doesn't mean the person you date has to do it! Just because he didn't read daily doesn't mean he didn't have a great relationship with God.
He shows great christian attributes with how he is acting even after you've split up. He is still there for you, and is thoughtful to the others around him.
Maybe you don't need to be in a relationship right now? It would be great to give him encouragement, but you shouldn't try to change him!
Please keep us posted on how things go!
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