A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I'm a gay male teenager, this is the first serious break up I've been through and I don't know what to do now.We're aged 16/17, just a few months apart. So we sort of started something about 7/8 months ago now, but it didn't really feel like a serious or actual relationship until about Novemberish. Nobody except a few of my close friends even knows about us as he didn't feel ready to tell anyone - he's still sexually confused, and spent a lot of time avoiding me and not being sure how he felt. Which is fair enough but it had been so great and happy lately. I guess I'm a bit more mature and understand my feelings a whole lot better. I thought everything was going really well though... I told him I love him, and I really think I do.Anyhow, the Sunday before last we were supposed to meet up and he just blew me off without even telling me, and then ignored me for days. I was understandably angry and upset, and then when he finally spoke to me on Thursday I said I was willing to give him another chance and he basically said he didn't want to, and broke up with me. Over fricken' MSN as well. I didn't understand at all and had no way of dealing with that - I basically felt like I must have meant nothing to him if he could just turn round and say that, especially just online, and that really hurt. Also, I felt like there was no closure. He wanted to make sure I was okay so we met up this Saturday night at gone 2 in the morning to talk. And it really sucks, but I guess we have closure now, and I have accepted that it's over.That said, I really think this is a mistake. He likes me, he enjoys being with me, I know he does! He even admits this much. He just says it didn't feel right, he didn't feel right in himself or something - being with a guy, that is. But he DOES like guys, even though he thinks he prefers girls, so there's no objective reason why not. I feel like he's just giving in to that feeling of fear and nervousness and uncertainty when we could be really happy together. I want to talk to him about that and start again. A fresh start, y'know?I know I can't force him to rush back into a relationship if he's not ready, but I can at least try. Problem is, I wasn't sure if he even still wanted to talk or stay friends so I deleted his MSN. I want to text him and ask if he'll accept me if I add him again, so we can talk. I think he will, or at least respond - but I don't know if this is a bad idea? My feelings change by the hour to be honest, so I need a bit of perspective.Also, if nothing else, I really at least wanna still be able to talk to him. It would just seem like such a shame otherwise. But I'm not sure if he even still wants to talk to me, and when I asked he was really ambiguous, so it could be yes or no. How do I go about staying friends with him, if nothing else?I don't mean instantly, I'll give him a few more days space. But yeah. Also, I don't mean to make him just come across as a douche - he's just really confused about everything, and I totally get that.Thanks for reading and any advice you can give...
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male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (16 February 2012):
Theres always things we wished we'd said, unanswered questions etc. If it was me I would take a holiday so that there is nothing to remind you of him. I'd also take a good friend whos opinion i'd trust but I didn't find attractive so I wouldn't be tempted to rebound. Give it time, you'll be ok.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks (: I guess you're right about it all being a learning experience, that is something I definitely feel. But I know I should give him space, but I don't want to? All I really wanna do is speak to him. I've accepted that it's over, but I feel like I'm not ready to move on until I know there's no chance of us starting over, like anew. Which I really think there might be.
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (14 February 2012):
Hey man, well from reading your question I would say you need to give yourself space for at least a month to give yourself some perspective on the situation and then you will be able to make an objective decision on what you do with your contact with this guy. Some guys struggle with their feelings unfortunatley and don't know how to deal with them. He might decide to be a friend or aquantence with you but for some after a relationship they just feel to awkard to look you in the eye again. Whatever happens, learn from this and don't blame yourself. Its all life experience for you man and after a while you might feel that you didn't accually love him. Either way hope it all works out for you.
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