A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my gf split up this January after 5 years together. Her reason was; it wasnt working out. Well that was not surprising as she kept me a secret all that time from her family and friends because i am 17 years older than her. Id had enough of being a secret and said something had to change; so she dumped me.She still wanted me in her life, needed me is how she put it. But that wasnt working for me so yesterday i told her i was not going to be in her life anymore unless we were together. I knew the answer would be we not geting back together, but just needed to hear it. I told her that once i leave she would never see me again, and asked if there was anything she wanted to say. She said she wasnt sure, then said no. So i said ok and left. In doing so i forgot about the other stuff i was going to say and now cant say it cause im not in her life now.Should i leave it at that or make a u turn, go back and say what i wanted to say? It probably wont change anything, but at least i will have said it.
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female
reader, GONZALICA  +, writes (13 November 2012):
I think you should tell her, becouse despite the fact that you maybe wont change anything, it will be easier for you to go on with your life...Telling what is on your heart will liberate itself from pain and doubt..In my case this always worked...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): i'm gonna disagree with most on here and say i think you should tell her what you need to say. i'm a huge advocate for closure. if you don't feel you got everything off your chest, it may make you feel a lot better to just say it to her. but my big thing is this: if it's filled with anger and resentment, don't do it. because you will inevitably regret that. you can still write it out and get your feelings out, but don't send it. but if it's honest, genuine feelings that you just wanted her to know that aren't filled with spite or hurt anyone in the process, go for it. what will it hurt? just don't do anything completely irrational. like everyone else said; think on it first. it's never smart to do something out of anger or hurt feelings.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (1 November 2012):
 It sounds like you are having a hard time moving on. Contacting her is not going to help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): that is the trouble with breaking up and not remaining in contact, there are always things you think you should have, could have, might have said. I bumped into an ex nearly ten years after we broke up and he said a few years previously he had been working near the house we had lived in together and had had a great urge to find me, talk to me and tell me things he should have said. He found peace in the fact he suspected I knew them already, and in a way he was right. If we had meant to be together it would have been so. wish you all the luck with moving on x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 I don't think there is anything you can say to her that will magically fix this.
But if you NEED to get something of your chest to her, I would firstly write it down in a letter. Don't send the letter for a week, then re-read it and determine if this is really something you NEED to do.
She knows what she did, so keep that in mind when you write it all down. You telling her all about what she did and her faults/flaws is not going to give you closure. Nor her.
Personally, I would just stick to my words and walk out and away from her life. And move on to someone who WANTS to be with you, be known as your partner and be seen with you. No longer be a woman's "dirty" secret.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Sounds the same as my situation when I was 18 and he was 41. He didn't want to tell anyone because I was so young so I ended it with him. As much as he begged and pleaded, I was nobody's dirty little secret.
Just leave it! You have ended it. She knows how you feel! Go out and try meeting someone else who won't keep you in the shadow.
Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Rather than say it in-person, I suggest that you write her a letter which includes all you wanted to say.....
Then, take the letter and put it in a desk drawer overnight... and, the next morning, burn it.....
That should help you get your "closure" ... and you can then go on with your life....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 goooo and tell her what u wanted to say. You will sleep better if you do so.. otherwise you wikl have this questions which you wont have answers for
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Hi
Just leave it, its over now and done. If it makes you feel better write it all down,in a letter,but do not send it.
She can't have it all her own way and now your free to find a woman who is proud to show you off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): If its over and you are never going to see her again then what you had to say doesn't matter anymore. Its just not relevant to her anymore.
What about you write her a letter saying what you want to say, and then just never send it. That way you get to have some satisfaction of addressing your issues to her even if she isn't actually going to know.
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