A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:need advice on sex vs sleep, please! i'm finding it hard to understand why my bf will tease me with foreplay and then fall asleep:( We've been together 1yr, don't live together, both work full time and 11 hour shifts (sometimes nights, sometimes days) and everything else is great between us except sex:(Until the last month, sex was amazing, he'd be horny most times we met up and he'd initiate sex on the kitchen table, stairs, in his car, on the floor, in bed at bedtime/spontaneously in the middle of the night/morning sex before work:) But in the last month, it's changed a lot. He still grabs me when we visit each other and kisses me. He is generally affectionate and loving, which I return:) He still starts foreplay in bed, but we've had sex twice in the last 5 weeks (used to be every 2 days!) because he falls asleep! Like tonight-he'd texted me this morning saying he wanted to kiss me all over, flirty stuff. I got to his place and we had hugs/passionate kisses and he told me i was looking hot and that he wanted me in his bed BUT we had a table booked at a restaurant, so instead of continuing to his bedroom, we went out to eat. Got home, more kissing, he strips off, pulls me into his bed, starts foreplay with me, puts my hand on his penis (he was erect) then pushes my arms down to kiss me more, then kinda turns on his side (back facing me), pulls my arm around him and falls asleep!This situation keeps happening:( I feel confused and unattractive to him. I tried talking to him and he said he's not teasing me, he does want me, but i think actions speak louder than words.I've tried initiating foreplay instead of him, lingerie, massages, and tried the opposite-showing no initiative and letting him approach me(which he does to the point of starting foreplay only), and it's all the same result. He says there's nothing worrying him. He gets erections no problem. He sees we're having sex less often but says sex is up and down in relationships and he's happy with me/our relationship/our sex life.But I'm not:( I'm confused,feeling unattractive to him and sexually unsatisfied, and am losing my self-confidence about us and sex. I love him and miss that physical and emotional connection with him:( If anyone can explain this behaviour or advise what to do next, i'd be thankful :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): be careful. I had a long distance relationship with a guy and for six months the sex was initially how you describe.later on we moved in together and all intimacey stopped, he changed completley, i tried discussing it and was told he was tired, busy at work, but he would initiate foreplay and do exactly the same kind of stuff. I felt confused and lonley and tried my best to make a joke of it,discuss it seriously ....everything. He used sex as a weapon of control, and then started controlling everything and life was a nightmare. I left and sometimes think back at how he had made me feel humiliated in bed. Its wrong and you need to talk about it soon. good luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Two things it could be. One the relationship has gotten past the honeymoon stage and this is his normal libido in which case you're screwed. The other is the work thing is tiring him out and your timing is all off.
You just need to talk to him and tell him that you want to set aside some time for some good loving.
Screw dinner, food is not what you were hungry for. So there was no point in having a date if you're not going to have any sexy time afterwards.
Just talk to him, tell him you need sex and you want to set aside some time to get it on more frequently, that you'd rather a good boning than a nice meal any time of the week.
Do it in a positive fun way OP and I wouldn't speak about it the way you present it here. You don't want to give him the idea he's a shit lover that can't satisfy you, you want to make it sound like you want him bad and can't get enough of him.
It's nothing personal, the fact that he does try to put the moves on you says he's still very much attracted to you, he just does it at the wrong times and his fatigue catches up with him. So just talk to him, tell him you miss being ravaged and you need some loving as soon as possible and set aside some time for that so he'll be ready, willing and able to perform.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 The story you told leads me to ask if this happens most often - or always - at night, when you are retiring to bed.
IF SO... then I suggest that he is "running out of gas".... actually being quite tired when you and he start... then "hits the wall" (a term that marathoners use) and must succumb to his tiredness..... This (tiredness) could/would be exascerbated if you and he have had a large meal, and, especially after having alcohol....
IF that is so... then you (and he) might simply change your "schedule" for s*x.... to do it upon arising in the morning when both of you are fresh and well-rested...
Good luck....
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