A
male
age
36-40,
*ico
writes:Hi everyone, I'm really hurting at the moment, i split from my ex 4 months ago and well i tried 2 move on and forget about her but i just cant, i still love her but she got with someone else a week or 2 after we split up, shes still with this person and its killing me inside! I wrote her a letter and posted it to her, she's read it as i have contact with a family member of hers, but nothing has been said from her about it, no reply or anything like that. I don't want to be with anyone else but her, i can't sleep, when i do sleep i dream about her, i really aint sure what i should do, people say you gotta move on but i can't, i don't think she wants to be with me anymore, we don't speak or anything. Please help! :(
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broke up, move on, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): So was it Mom or Dad that you never had a loving and close relationship with? Which parent you feel abandoned you and neglected you and which parent is it that you feel you have to win their love and approval?
Your GF represents this parent or sibling or close relation.
Unfortunately of those who have experienced traumas and abuses in childhood; we have been taught it is acceptable or normal to be in a relationship where we are neglected, abandoned, and betrayed.
Unfortunately of those who have witnessed such things in their childhood will not want to perpetuate this pattern in our adult relationships.
We tend to see the Right Men or in your case, Right Women as boring and uninteresting and therefore cancle out the ones that will result in good, loving, healthy relationship where we will be validated, uplifted, supported, comforted, and valued.
Your GF is not the Right Woman for you. End your pain and suffering by giving up your obsession that you will win back the love and approval of Parent A or B.
Please get counselling to address your childhood so you can heal and gain insight and strategies to change yourself so that you can find the love and happiness you deserve.
Best Wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): Does it make sense to love and want to be with someone who can get with someone else a week after you split up? You should concentrate on this fact and not allow your mind to wonder to anything else.
Breakups can be painful things but you seem to be putting yourself through unnecessary pain here. You need to establish this fact "She hurt me and does not want to be with me, therefore, I do not want to be with her - I deserve someone more" and whenever you start telling yourself you can't live without her you remind yourself of the fact you've established.
You also need to make sure you do not ask your friends about her, don't look up any profiles she has on the Internet, and don't look through any memories you have of her. Literally shut her out of your life, what you had has effectively died and you need to accept that death so you can begin to move on.
You need to find that strength inside of yourself and pull yourself out of your depressive thinking. You are only hurting yourself, and if you don't do this you will never feel better.
You owe it to yourself to move on, your ex-girlfriend clearly has. Just think of all those future happy positive times and great relationships that await you. You have so much to look forward to and be excited about in life... concentrate on those!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 March 2007):
 Sorry but I stand by it that the great majority of people feel exactly the same when they break up. By definition break ups are always going to hurt one person more than the other and the person who wants out will ALWAYS get their own way. Believe it or not everyone feels exactly like you do now but you can't spend your whole life feeling like this. Only you can make the decision with yourself to get over it and move on.
CD
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A
male
reader, Nico +, writes (11 March 2007):
Nico is verified as being by the original poster of the question What if you can't imagine doing nothing without this person? She never gave me enough time to get my head sorted, she moved on a week or 2 later. She read the letter and has said to a person who speaks to both of us that she didn't realise i would of been like this 4 months down the line and she feels for me that im not happy and moved on! It's so hard.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 March 2007):
The people who tell you that you have to move on are right. She's moved on and she's not coming back. We all feel like you do when someone we love breaks up with us. What separates us is the way we decide to react to the breakup. We could all fall apart and be miserable for the rest of our lives while our exes carry on and are happy or we can come to terms with it, let ourselves grieve for a while but realise when enough is enough and move on. It's been four months. It's time for you to try and be happy. I think you'll be surprised how much better you feel if you keep telling yourself you feel fine inside.
CD
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