A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehel
writes:Trying to get over the guy I was with dumping me out of the blue after 6 years, it has been 2 weeks and everytime I hear nothing from him I am slowly giving up and hardening my heart to any reconciliation or speaking to him ever again. I feel like I never meant anything to him for 6 years I devoted myself to him for what? I would have worked through anything with him. He has been in college these past years, and has not been that happy but I stuck by him, when he got a job a few weeks ago he started acting different. He was happier but not asking to see me at all hardly, or contacting me.He disappeared for 3 days didn't bother to contact me, when I saw him eventually one night I asked him why he has become so distant, I was confused and wanted to understand? he told me he was doing this and that with friends, that were not married, to stop b*tching, that he should have brought his friend so I didn't bring this up, we ended up calling it a night, as we were both miserable at this point, he told me to go make friends, it felt like a stab in the stomach when I had been there for him so much. we didn't speak in the car on the way home. 2 mins from my home he said this isn't working out casually, no emotion. 2 weeks later no contact, doesn't even care to ask if I am ok?Do you think he even thinks of me? or just doesn't care? I am shocked and disgusted that I spent 6 years with someone who is capable of being so cruel.
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (30 June 2016):
 A relationship that is On and Off really does explain a lot to me as well, if it was working then it would never be off, it is clear that you guys never could work through your problems. He needs space from you while you made him the center of your universe, you did not do anything on your free time but put him first, that is not healthy in a relationship, and it is suffocating. He does not want to be with you anymore, yes that is difficult to take and yes it will be hard for you, but use this time to make friends and live your life, do as he says, be your own independent person, it will make you much more happier and healthier in the future.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 You have been together 6 years " on and off ", you mentioned in a previous post.
I think " on and off " is the key word here.
This is exactly how generally " on and off " things go. They are on and off, on and off, ... until one day they are just off, period.
Like a spinning top which keeps spinning and spinning, slower and slower, - until , at some point, it just stops spinning. If you haven't watched carefully you are taken by surprise- maybe you expected a few more spins , but you have miscalculated...
Or like some faulty old domestic appliance, which buzzing and creaking, nevertheless sort of works, starting and stopping , starting and stopping. Until one day when you least expect it, it just dies on you.
So, in a way it's unexpected, in another way it was very expectable, you just haven't paid enough attention to the squeaks and creaks, you have underrated them.
I guess at some level he must have wanted out already . Either he has been passive aggressive on purpose, and wanted to needle until YOU' d break up with him, or maybe he has not been so callous, he simply thought that things could go on as usual ,unless they become TOO squeaky and creaky for comfort .Which was when you started making demands on his time, and wanting explanations- which he was the least inclined to meet, and to answer, the more he was distancing himself from you. In short: you were pushing, he was pulling- in different directiin, until the rope broke down in a way that to you sounds totally out of the blue.
Did he ever care about you ? Of course he did !, otherwise he'd be pretty stupid to stay around, although with a few comings and goings, for 6 years. But, perhaps, a little less every time, a little less every " on again " . When a pottery item breaks up, you can glue it back, but the cracks still show, and the object remains frailer than before. Repeat the process 2 or 3 or times and one day you will be most probably be left with broken pieces in your hands.
...............................
A
female
reader, Deeksha  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 What are you confused for? You shouldn't be confused about having him again in your life as he doesn't show up anytime he needs to. There is a possibility that he might be really occupied by work and he might have a lot to deal with currently but you know what? No matter how busy a person is or what's wrong with that person if at all you mean something to the person by the end of the day the person will find time to talk to you or reach you up by any means. Be it a message he has left for you or a late night phone call and then you could have some hopes of trying to fix issues with him but I am talking about a day and it's been 2 weeks since your guy hasn't shown up. So stop convincing yourself on the fact that he is worth waiting any further. And as you said it's been six years make it a point to leave him and move and not stay with him and holding yourself back for this one reason!
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 He's not being cruel, OP; he's moving on and you should too.You posted this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-shocked-my-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me.htmlYou got some good advice there and you should really re-read it.This guy cutting contact is the best thing he can do for both of you because you're clinging to him. You were together for 6 years *on and off*. There were obviously issues and a break up was inevitable because you wanted to "keep flogging a dead horse" and he didn't. You can't work through everything, OP.I'm sorry you feel so let down by it, but part of being ready for relationships is accepting when they're over.You have a tough hill to climb because you naively made your life revolve around him. It's common to do that because you were young and fell hard for him, but you got upset when he didn't do the same for you.You need to build your adult life now, OP, not stay stuck in your teenage one.
...............................
|
