A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot this week. We have been dating for about 4 months and we live together. In the beginning of the relationship we had a fight in which he called me a fucking bitch. I told him we needed to just be friends because I couldn't be with someone like that, we fixed it however and didn't have another big fight really until this past weekend. Somehow he mentioned his ex and it turned into a huge argument and he ended up saying "I'm done". I didn't actually feel like it was over and the next day we kind of made up, until we had yet another fight, this one much worse. So we are trying to save money so I have been making his lunch for him everyday and he swore he wouldn't/didn't buy anything. Something came up where 300 dollars were taken out of his account and so I said we can look at it and see what happened. He wouldn't give me an answer and changed the subject, which made me curious. So I asked again about it and he flipped out asking why I need to see his account. From past experience I know that the only reason for someone to freak out is if they are hiding something. He came home from work that day and said there can't be a relationship without trust and I said fine and he called his parents and arranged to move out that day. We ended up somewhat fixing it and he stayed but the problem then was- is this going to be a relationship where we just break up and get back together??- cause I don't want that. Tonight, 5 days after he almost moved out, I finally did see his account. He had flat out lied to me for the past month. So we have another fight... and, like he always does, he tries to turn on me and eventually said, once again, "I'm done". Now he is acting like he didn't say it and everything is fine. We have talked about him not saying that when we have fights because I don't want a relationship like that but he does it anyway. And the fact that he lied to me really bothers me too. But to lie like that AND have the nerve to break up with me?? I'm at a loss for what to do. I love him, although it is hard to say that now. And he is a good boyfriend other than in fights and aside from lying. Can this be a serious relationship though? I feel like breaking up during every fight is immature and hinders the seriousness of the relationship. Any opinions would be great, thanks in advanced.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so now we are together and it has been awhile since we have fought at all. What ended up happening was that he really did move out, I basically told him he should, that I was not happy anymore etc. He still wanted to date even though he would be living with his parents, I said no. He admitted he felt horrible for lying to me and didn't think we could ever get past it, that's why he said he was done. It was just a really f-ed up 2 weeks. I let one comment really hurt me and kind of dragged the same fight out for 2 whole weeks and at that point he didn't know how he felt anymore (nor did I). So to find out he was lying after 2 weeks of this crap was like the breaking point. But he moved everything out and we talked that night. We said how we hate fighting and we want to work it out (it was him who called). I went to his parent's house that night and we started to get his stuff back together to move out again and his father basically said- if you leave here, that's it.- He chose to be with me over his family which is pretty huge since he is so close to them. He told me he couldn't lose me and loves me with all his heart. I know what you are saying michelleAKAmandi, but truthfully it was only those 2 weeks of a fight I dragged out that he ever said he wanted to end it. Everything is great now and I will be sure to keep you posted. We have had arguments since then and handled them quite nicely :) Thank you very much for the advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): Im sort going through the same thing. I have been told by his sister the reason he says that he has had it and were breaking up is he thinks he can say it and say it and I won't go so this time im going he will realise that I will leave so he should change by not saying that. But my bf and I have a lot of trust with each other and he goes away for 4 days and I know I trust him. So im with your bf about 1 thing no trust no relationship works. But he was lying to you so there fore he lost your trust. If he had said he was buying stuff you would be mad but he would still have your trust. So I don't know. If I was u id have a break not break up just 2 weeks or till he realises you mean it at least 1 week
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (28 September 2008):
 Hello there,
He's turning the tables on you because he is guilty. My ex husband did this same thing. If an argument came about and he was either wrong or caught at something, the first thing he would say is, I'm outta here I want a divorce. I asked him why he said that every time knowing he wasn't going anywhere. He could never give me a straight answer. I finally figured out it was to revert the argument somewhere else so he wouldn't have to face up to what he was caught for or wrong about.
I FINALLY one day had the damn divorce papers in a drawer and waited for his next, "I want a divorce". It came within a month and I said fine, SO DO I! Handed him the papers and his chin hit the floor. I was tired of it and tired of him turning the tables to make it look like I was wrong when it was actually HIM. Point here... you will hear this constantly and he will move out and move in constantly until you make it happen a LAST time. You've let it happen too often already, so he's merely playing along now.
You say he's a good boyfriend, but good boyfriends don't lie to you and constantly walk out. They communicate with you, which yours doesn't... they admit their faults and not make the same mistake over and over. Don't fool yourself sweetie, step back and take a look at what you are truly putting up with. The arguing that often alone should be enough to throw in the towel if he won't sit and talk about correcting things.
I sure hope this helps! Let us know how you are doing and how things are going!
Michelle
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