A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 and have been seeing a boy on and off for well over 2 and a half years. We're both in love with each other but about 9 months ago I found out that he thinks he's bisexual. At first I was so shocked and thought he was jokin with me. We had a big talk about it which involved a lot of tears on both parts and I said to him that he needs to find out whether he is bisexual or bicurious. In the end he ended up getting an apple app which allowed him to talk to men in the local area. He ended up meeting with a man and doing stuff. He said he enjoyed it. My problem is that he still has the app and continues to meet up with men but then still tells me he loves me. Ive tried talking to him so many times about how I feel and he tells me all about the men he talks to or meets up with. This makes me so jealous but I am the only one who knows about his secret and he said he needs someone to talk to. He cant tell his friends because some of them are quite homophobic and would probably not want to talk to him. He doesn't want to have sex any more and we only ever perform oral acts on each other. Also he sits on the app even when I'm there which makes me feel worse and when I try and tell him how I feel it results in an argument. This is a brief outline of the situation but I'm really hoping someone can help me. I love him and I can't imagine life without him and he says he feels the same but I'm finding it very difficult to cope with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): Leave him before he leaves you because, honey, he will. He's going to meet a man that makes him happy and you would have wasted your youth on a man that doesn't have the decency to be faithful to you. If he really loved you he would either be 100% into your relationship or let you go find someone knew and then go explore his sexuality. You shouldn't settle for being a backup.
A
female
reader, aavon82 +, writes (31 July 2012):
I agree with everything that has been said so far. With all due respect to you, this guy is being thoroughly selfish and has no respect for you whatsoever. If he did, there's no way he'd be using an app to help him find men. You have been very supportive of him, encouraging him to find out if he is bisexual or bicurious, but he has taken advantage of your understanding nature and is now using you as a show girlfriend, whilst going out to meet men. Your mental and sexual health are both being put at risk the longer you stay with this man.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Bisexual doesn't mean one of each. He's both using you as a "show girlfriend" and using you to have his cake and eat it too. Either way he's being highly disrespectful and dismissive of your feelings. It's time to end it.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 July 2012):
 DUMP HIM!
Whether it is with other women, or other men, makes no difference, he's cheating on you. He can't talk to anyone else about his encounters and feelings, so he talks you you? Well, I'm sorry, but that's not YOUR problem. Let him find another way to deal with the consequences of his choices.
You say you can't imagine life without him. Sorry to be so harsh, but I say to you "Nonsense!" There isn't anything to "love" about this man, and once he's out of your life, and you have grieved for a little while, and thought about lessons learned from this experience, you'll be amazed at how quickly this episode has faded into the past.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Janniepeg is right - you are just his 'show girlfriend', showing the world that he is straight so he can keep his gay activities a secret.
The thing that screamed out at me was the fact that sex has stopped for you now, and it is only oral (which gay partners often perform on each other). He clearly is slowing down any intimacy with you so he can focus on his boyfriends on the side, and you are just around to be a friend to talk to, and a girlfriend to keep things smooth with his friends and family.
Even if he's not gay, and is simply bisexual, then he is still cheating on you with other men. Just because he tells you about it doesnt make it ok - if he truly loved you then he would be faithful to you. Yes he got the chance to explore his sexuality, and has found out that he enjoys sex with men, but that should have been it. He cant have both boyfriends and a girlfriend at the same time, he has to choose either you, or he goes away and plays the field.
It is not safe for your sexual health either, god knows what he is doing with these men and it is putting your health at risk. You cant even be sure he is using condoms, so you really shouldnt be going near him while he is sleeping with other men.
This cannot continue, so you are going to have to confront him and get him to choose. If he wants to be single so he can play the field and fool around with men then he cannot stay with you, if he really loved you he would never put you in that position to start with.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 He is with you because people around him would expect a heterosexual couple, but he will continue his underground gay pursuits. You are the reason his family and friends won't pester him about getting married and having a normal life. He says he is in love with you just so you won't leave him. His actions like contacting a man while being with you show that he is not in love with you. Your sex life just wouldn't work with him and your life will be so much better without him. You should not accept this arrangement. You refer him as an on and off boy, and not as a boyfriend. Being in love is not enough. You want the whole package in a man. You can have him as a friend. You are doing grave injustice to yourself if you are happy with the title of marriage but you suffer frustration from lack of affection while he is perfectly fine with living a double life.
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