A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 25 yrs old guy and i find myself to have become more reserved since i got engaged. My fiance is quite nervous about the whole thing and she says it is difficult for her to tolerate when someone says something bad to her. Being sensitive myself, i have carried her fears with me and even fought with my family members who said something to her that annoyed her. She has a fear of acceptance by my family and is constantly worried about the same. My relationship with my family has also become bad since i got engaged. Is it my duty to carry her fears with me ? How can i get this thing sorted?
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (10 October 2007):
It is your job to reassure her and try to get everyone to get along. Over time things should get better.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 October 2007):
 This is a difficult one. You have to respect the fact that she has these fears. Why there present? But they need worked on.
Now she's not marrying your family, she's marrying you.
Her being nervous is natural, I'm sure you're family is not helping that. She's going to be your wife. Don't carry her fears, protect her feelings.
Let your family know, your marrying her for the right reasons. Saying something that disrespects her does the same to you. When you are around them, if they pop off something that is offensive. Tell them in front of her. "I don't appreciate you saying that. It was rude, offensive and lacks maturity. If you're going to speak that way, have the respect not to do so in my presence."
I'm not at all implying to be rude. You don't want to stoop to their level, but when you feel they are out of line, firmly imply that observation.
Let them know too, it's suppose to be a happy time, and you'd wish they would be happy for you. If they have concerns about you getting married. Set up a time, without her there (don't want to freak her out more) to answer their concerns. Let them know, once they are answered and they've expresses them, you expect they will no longer be an issue, and not be brought back up.
Tell her to take a deep breath. What's important is how she feels about herself. If she builds her self esteem up, she'll stop listening to what other people say more. Why take validation from others when most of the time their wrong.
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