A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I thought i had found the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and until a few weeks ago i though he felt the same. He said he shared the same as aspirations as me, marriage and kids in our future. He even took me to see a site he was thinking of buying to build a house for us to live in. But then he started a new really busy job and his calls and texts were less frequent, but as soon as we were together he would say he missed and cuddle me as if we hadn't seen each other for a year. About two weeks ago he went away for a cuople of days and didn't tell me and i was starting to get really worried, i sent him a horrible text and tried to call him. The next day he said he wanted a break from me. He was getting stressed out the with the guilt of letting me down and hurting me. But i don't think he really wanted it.I couldn't cope with the two week deadline i suggested, as i believed that talking rather than time would resolve the issue. And that's when he broke up with me. He said i was second best to his new job and that he didn't want to hurt me in the future as he wanted to concentrate on his new job for the next ten years, he wanted to settle down after that. He didn't listen to anything i said or wanted. i said being with him was enough for me, but he said i needed more in my life and deserved better. I really love him and i can't face the future without him. Can anyone give me advice on what to do next, please...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): babe, I think he met a woman at this new job..and he went away for those 2 days to be with her..I am sorry..he is a bastard..a lieing, cheating snake who doesn't have the balls to tell you what's really going on..If I had to be a fortune teller, I would say that the woman he's dating now & his relationship will not last and he will come crawling back to you. Don't let him back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Was this guy your bf?? How long did you guys date for?? And how solid was your relationship?? It sounds like you might have made it into something bigger than it really was. Because boyfriends who are inlove usually don't do this. So I am going to assume that you guys weren't even officially boyfriend/girlfriend. Well hun, you really got to learn to read between the lines when you are dating somebody. Not everybody you date is going to fall inlove with you or feel the same way for you. That is why it is important to know for sure that he is "the one" before you get too involved. This is something you just feel. When you both are inseperable, you become officially boyfriend/girlfriend, he tells you he loves you, he professes his love to you a million times a week, he calls everyday, you see eachother everyday. You just know. It goes beyong guesstimation. You just KNOW. I can tell this probably wasn't the case though was it??
Anyways, it sounds like he probably met somebody else. And this is not just something that happens. A guy can only meet someone else if he knows that he is not inlove with you. So if clearly he wasn't inlove with you then it sounds like you failed to really see him for what he really is. Because if he had been inlove with you this would have never happened. So next time you should really try to be a little more perceptive about how a guy really feels about you and where your relationship really is going before you get so involved. And guys do often say alot of stuff to mesmerize you when they are still dating even when they are not entirely sure how they feel about you. That is why you have to rely on your instincts, his actions, and your bond with him to really know what is going on. Anyways I am sorry this happened to you.
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A
female
reader, s from wales +, writes (10 October 2007):
 I smell a rat, a very big one at that, PLEASE read my question DATED 24th september 07,(HE CHEATED ON ME, SO I DUMPED HIM, HOW DO I GET OVER IT) FEMALE FROM WALES,it sounds exactly what happened to me, its as if i wrote that myself, my ex made the excuse of work ect, its not good enough for me and i dare say many many people share my veiws, my ex went missing for 2 days just like your partner, my ex came back a very different person, i just new he was with another women, call it womens instinct, i dont no, my ex stil said he loved me when he came back and we made love several times, it just felt different, I knew something had happened, if your honest with yourself, you have to be, you no in your own heart he is not telling you the real reason why he doesnt want the relationship any more, i no this hurts, i felt completely devastated but the truth does hurt, i had to no the truth no matter how painful that was, our relationship would have been one big lie otherwise, you dont want that do you, you are just prolongin the agony, i could be wrong but i doubt it, find yourself a man who treats you with the respect and honesty you deserve, dont waste your time on him, there is loads of questions i would av liked answered, dont suppose i,l never no, its their loss not yours, he has done you a great favour you dont have to listen to lies and deceit, he will drag you down if allowed to, me and you have lots of love to give, so give it to the person whe deserves it.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Hi,
Its a hard fact of life to except that he is placing a job over you. This can only mean that he no longer feels the same about your relationship. What has caused this, only he knows the truth. If he says its the job, then maybe it was. But I cant help thinking, why would he suddenly put work over love?.
Honey the fact is, he has said to you that you are second best. Sorry!!! but how is that, and also he disapears for 2 days.
I think thats awfull, the way he has treated you. And hate to say it but I smell a rat.
I know its unbearable to loss the man you love. I, as well as many on here, have suffered the same. But we are still here. And the other aunts are right, you will grow stronger every day. You will not notice at first, but as time goes by you will.
When my ex husband left me, I tried to kill myself. What an idiot I was, to try and end my life for that man. But its not till later you realise they did you a favour.
Be strong Honey, and let him go. Make a new life for yourself, and never ever be second best to anyone or anything.
XX Tellulah
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Hi
I am sorry about this whole thing, I am also perplexed by his sudden behavior. How can one plan ten years on the same job and sacrifice their relationships its still beyond me, however I know some men and women who also concentrate on their jobs than personal life maybe he is one of them and the fact that you were getting too attached to him, he knew its wrong to lead you on while he knows what he wanted in life. and keeping you was going to be a destruction of what he set to achieve before he settles down, if you really did make a good impression he will remember all the things he shared with you and he definitley come back to you without waisting any more time.
I believe u did plead your case all u can and honestly. however the fact still remains it takes two people to make a relationship work not the other way round.
There can be a lot of scenarios we can speculate about this whole issue, the bottom line is he had closed his doors and what u can do now is to live your life move on and accept that he did came into your life but it wasnt meant to be long. I know its not going to be easy to just move-on but this guy didnt give you much to work on unfortunately this is your life no matter how this is confusing for you, you are not to forget who you are.
Jovial
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