A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am married with 4 kids, 2 quite grown up and 2 still at home. I would like some marital advise.My husband and I are having some problems in the bedroom area of our lives. He is not overly active and I am wanting more. He is satisified with a quickie once or twice a month the rest of the time he wants me to just get him off which was great at first but I am left feeling very frustrated and really would like more.The second problem is he does not ejaculate much and it seems to be getting less, is this me do I not make him happy, am I doing something wrong?I would love to make love to him more often and for longer, but he is not very forthcoming, I have tried enticing him, teasing etc.Help
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): I agree with alot of comments here. You have the right to be tended to aswell.
Don't let him use you as and when, I think you could try dressing up or something completely out of the blue to excite him, change positions and where you have sex.
If you have no improvement then try shocking him, when he wants it, refuse him, give it 10 minutes and get your vibrator out - ouch!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): You need to light his fire. Key word is anticipation! Make him wish you. To me it happens very often to get horney 6 hours after having sex becouse I start getting in the mode. Make him a bit horney and wait then again and wait...secondly you will have to rise his ego. tell him that you love his skin and smell. Also take in care men are visual. Pass by naked, expose yourself more often make it more natural. Dont try obviously to seduce, just make it completely normal to be more intimate. Then take time when it's happening. dont let him do quickies. Instead... change positions, stop and masturbate, or experiment a bit. If he do quicky take care you have enough time and space to repeat it. Next time he will not be able to be quick trust me. The most important is patience!!! This will take time. I am talking about months.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Hmmm - communication. That's your starting point. Talking to your husband to let him know what you want, need, and how he can give it to you.
However, I'm left wondering if there have been something you might have inadvertently left out. Has he been taking any new medications? Diagnosed with some type of illness in the last few years? Any emotional issues that weren't completely resolved like a death in the family - maybe someone he was really close to? Does the kids being in the house not get him in the mood? Is there some emotional disconnect between you and your husband?
Any one of - and many more of these things can cause your husbands decrease in sexual desire and libido. If he won't be forthcoming with you, maybe you could get him to talk to a therapist (alone of course) to see if they can help him through the issues he's having that are causing him to have decreased sexual desire.
His decrease in ejaculate volume seems to be medical - but it could be that he's masturbating when you're not there and therefore when you do engage in sexual activities there isn't much ejaculate left. He might want to say something to his doctor to determine if it is medical so the problem can be corrected soon. The longer he waits, the worse it will get. If it's not medical, then the doctor can refer him to a licensed pyschologist or psychiatrist if needed.
Hope this helps.
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