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We argue, don't talk, no sex, no date nights, no vacations. I'm fed up, what do I do?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2012) 12 Answers - (Newest, 16 January 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm 31 and my boyfreind is 46, we argue, don't talk for a wek at a time, no sex, he don't take me out movie, dinner, shopping nothing, no vactions together, I'm getting really fed up this being going on for years what should I do?

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A female reader, uroboros United Kingdom +, writes (16 January 2012):

lol, you say it's been going on for YEARS? even MONTHS in that case would be too much....

you should go separate ways i'm afraid.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012):

Agree with Cerberus that you should get a vibrator, disagree with his suggestion of name "Tim" as that implies "Tiny." I'd go for "Dan" as in "Steely."

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (14 January 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIf this has been going on for years what's in it for you? He doesn't sound much like a boyfriend to me, no talking, no dates, no time shared, no sex.

Why are you allowing somebody who is so negative in your life? It sounds like he takes more from your life rather than adding anything positive.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (14 January 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntAsk him to go to couples counseling or break up with him seem to be the options that will change things. Why have you put up with this for years?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012):

Buy a good vibrator, name it, talk to it and take it out to the movies, to dinner and on vacation. At least that way you will have something that gives you sexual pleasure, will listen to you and will accompany you on dates and stuff. You can even buy little hats and stuff, and dress it too. Introduce it your family, take pictures of your vacations together and build a long lasting loving relationship.

Think I'm joking? Well I'm not because as ridiculous as that idea is it's a million times better than what you have now isn't it? Finding another guy would probably make more sense but vibrators are less hassle. You could call it Tim.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012):

doesn't sound like you have a bf/gf relationship anymore so what you should do is stop thinking of him as your bf and move on.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntoh wait... wrong question...

again though if you don't have sex you don't talk you fight you go nowhere together what does he do that makes you think he is your boyfriend....

because it sounds to me like there is nothing there.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwhat does he do that makes you even consider him your boyfriend?

if all you are doing is having sex when you see him... your a booty call hon... nothing more

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (13 January 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntDo you even see him at all?

How long have you two been together? Has he taken you on any dates at all?

Does he not come over and spend time with you at your home? Or vice versa?

You don't have to go out all the time and spend money?

See you need to provide more info and be specific, so you'll get a better answer. The best answer I can give you based off your info is to either talk to him about these issues and try to sort it out. He doesn't know what you need or want out of this relationship unless you tell him.

Or if he doesn't care and is perfectly content with this relationship, then it's time to break up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012):

What is it that keeps you together? Do you have children? Are you madley in love? Obviously it isn't the passion or sex because you say there isn't any. Having a successful relationship greatly relies on chemistry. Have you told him how you feel? Try to communicate better. Do you frequently suggest to go out and do those fun things but he refuses? If he won't do the fun relationship building things you long to do then find someone who does. You sound like a fun person that needs to be stimulated and he isn't doing it for you. I would move on before you lose any more valuable time (and your thirties!) to this stick in the mud. Don't settle and go find happiness.

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A male reader, Tom Obler  United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2012):

Tom Obler  agony auntI would just break up. From what you say, you don't have any relationship in any way. Break up and find someone new and don't waste anymore time here.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012):

The answer is quite simple: not talking, no dates, and no sex really just means there is no relationship. The relationship is already over so it's just a matter of admitting it to yourself.

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