A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have had a few fall outs over the past few months - nearly once a month. Thing is we both think we're right and i won't apologise to him for something i believe he has done wrong and vice versa. So we spend days not speaking and i'm so soft i end up crying and my family in turn get very upset to see me treated this way. I can't go on like this every month. What can I do? Do I end it and say that someone who loved me wouldn't want to see me hurt or is every guy like this? Please advise. Thankyou. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 Oh dear. Is there a particular thing you argue about all the time? Bear in mind that arguments occur when you've both built up anger inside about something. You need to identify those things and talk about them before they become an argument. Perhaps you could arrange to have one evening a month when you go out for a meal and calmly talk about anything that's bothering either of you. It's a bit like countries. If people don't talk they often end up at war because of misunderstandings. Sometimes being diplomatic will help. It sounds as though you're both very stubborn, which is a bit of a problem too. Isn't it worth losing face a little if it helps the relationship work better? I'd suggest that if you start being the one to say you're sorry and try to work things out he'll follow and do the same. Remember that everyone has their own opinion and feelings and part of a relationship is trying to understand the others point of view. Obviously this works both ways. Try communicating more before things become big issues and see if that helps. Best of luck.
A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 every body gets that cycle, especialy if your living together. Erica and I are no different, what wroked was realizing I needed her more than I needed to be right, and sometime she gets cranky and goes back to being grouchy but we follow through until the end no mater what and thats how it works, he'll have to learn to do the same in time, but your the one asking so you can make the sacrifice first. being right is to be alone, so the choice is yours but the relationship will only get worse so long as its based on arguing about whos right or wrong. your just close quarters and a young couple its give or take and sometimes give is a lot to deal with. but if he doesnt take what your not willing to give then you guys should both be ok, if he wants more than you can give than there is no relationship at all and you would be better calling it all off. I hope this helps
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