A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We met abroad, 9 months ago. We were together and seeing each other for 5, and we have been separated for 4 as we live in different countries and are finishing our last year of university.I fell in love with her, and I want to be with her after I finish uni, especially since I have always been planning to move to her country.We've talked, and we both care very much for each other, but she doesn't know if its real and won't go into a long distance relationship because she doesn't want us to be hurt.She said that whatever happens in 6-7 months will happen, especially if its real. Meanwhile she said that we can both be seeing other people if we want to. That will make us realize if it is real or not. She is also afraid that maybe I will not be able to move to her country. I am a big risk.On her part, she is sort of seeing her ex, because she says she is not ready to completely let go of him despite having been with me for a long time. She also says it wont get serious because she can't as long as she cares so much for me.On my part, I would feel like i'm cheating on her if I tried, even if she wants me to and even if we're no longer together. She is right that we should see other people but I'm not sure I'm capable.What is the best way here? It is true that if it is real we will end up together regardless of what happens. If it is not then it is good that we're not keeping involved for this time. How do I handle the jealousy of her ex, even though she said nothing has happened, she is single and he is pursuing her, not her. She will make sure I never hear anything and told me she never wants to know either.
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different countries, fell in love, her ex, jealous, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Hi,
I think all you can do is accept what she says. She says she doesn't want an LDR and to see what happens when you both finish Uni. There is not a lot you can do seeing as she doesn't want to commit at the moment. She has her reasons and we can only second guess at this. With regards to the Ex, maybe she wants to try things again or just realise it is over with him. We don't really know. The problem for you is that you are now in a position where you are gonna worry and worry. That's the problem for you. I'm afraid you have to ask yourself a few questions. Do you wait, put 7 months on hold and hope she comes round? Do you close it now and cut contact? Do you look for other options? Do you sit around, hamper your studies and worry? You will have to answer this. Best wishes.
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