A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm upset with my boyfriend, and i'm not sure how i am going to talk about this with him. He gave me his facebook password recently. He didnt say why he gave it to me though. I logged into his account last night, and i was upset by some things he had written in private messages to some of his friends. We have had unprotected sex a few times this year, and he told his friends that he couldn't understand why i hadn't become pregnant each time, as he had ejaculated inside me, and he told them that he thinks he has a low sperm count. He doesn't even know for sure that he does have a low sperm count, so i'm not sure why he said that. Also, i haven't said that i definately want a baby, so i don't know why he wants to get me pregnant so much. He has told me a few times that he would like us to have a baby, but i don't know if he seriously wants one or if he just thinks that he wants one. He is much older than me, and he smokes and drinks, so i think that's why he assumes that he has a low sperm count. He also told one of his friends about couple of arguments we have had recently, and went into detail about it. He mentioned that i had slammed doors during one argument, and that i had given him bruises during another argument. What he didnt mention though was that i gave him the bruises accidently, as i had got hold of his arm to stop him walking away from me. He didn't tell his friend that the cause of the arguments was partly his fault too, so it made it sound like i was to blame, and his friend probably thinks that i beat him up, because of the bruises. His friend told him to " stay safe ".He also told his freind that i tried to physically stop him from drinking a lot of alcohol. I don't like it when he drinks a lot. I feel like telling him how much it bothers me that he tells his friends about our personal business. However, i have actually told him that before, and he still does it. If i tell him about this though, he will know that i logged into his facebook account. What should i do ?. He has bipolar disorder, and he told me that he has always been an open person, and his family have always been open as well. In a way, i want to finish with him, as i don't like how much he drinks sometimes, and when we argue, and when he says personal things to his friends.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (18 October 2012):
 There are a few things going on here and hopefully I nail it on the head for you:
1) He is bi-polar, perhaps an alcoholic, smokes and you aren't sure you want to stay with him -- and yet you are having unprotected sex with him. Are you NUTS? Seriously, all it takes is one sperm to reach and you'll be tied to this man for the next 18 - 20 years whether you like it or not. There'll be visitation to set up, child support payments, and potentially new partners to deal with if you break up. Meanwhile the kid will have to learn to live with all the turmoil involved.
2) Bipolar is generally regarded as hereditary. Not only that, but having a relationship with someone who is bipolar certainly means that there'll be years of drama ahead, as their mood swings can reach a lot of highs and lows without proper medication.
3) Guys are gonna gab on facebook about the intimate deals of their relationship, especially to their close friends. If the messages are private and not made public, I think you have to accept this as par for the course. I know I've talked of my problem to my closest confidants. I am sure you talk about your sex life to your friends as well. If it does concern you, you may want to talk to him about it and tell him how it bothers you that he is revealing your relationship details to others. Remember: if it isn't facebook it is going to be another outlet (like if he meets his friends face to face)
4) Finally, take a hard look at his drinking habits. Bipolar and alcoholism generally go hand-in-hand. Alcoholism is a tough one to break and only about 15% actually get "true" recovery from their addiction. If this man truly has a problem (or will have a problem a few years down the road) do you really want to be along for that ride?
I think there is tremendously more going on in your relationship than what you post here -- particularly with the hints of physical abuse and poor communication when it comes to arguments. Reading between the lines, I sense it has largely been tumultuous. Perhaps I am very wrong, but I do hope you do some soul searching and determine whether you really want to have this man involved in your life in the near and far future.
Poor communication in regard to differences, alcoholism, mental illness, marriage, finances and children certainly don't make relationships any easier...
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): the arguments are obviously effecting him and he felt that he needed to talk to someone and he probably knew if he talked to you it would be another argument, everyone needs an outsider opinion at times, like chi said your on dearcupid to get outside opinions
also you said you grabbed his arm to stop him walking away you had no right to do that you shouldnt physically touch him to stop him leaving, thats wrong on your part, even if ithe argument is partly his fault you still shouldnt do that he has the right to walk away to calm down if he wants to
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 You're reading way too much into his messages. And who doesn't want to talk to their friends about what goes on in their lives? You do too! You're here on dearcupid even, talking about your relationship to complete strangers. Everyone wants to open up and share what happens in their life, get feedback, or support. It's human.
But you're reading way too much into this message, and seriously need to talk to your boyfriend about this. You're jumping to a ton of conclusions without any grounds. Just because he doesn't understand why you're not pregnant doesn't mean he desperately wants you knocked up...
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