A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now with a man who is a fair bit older than me. He's my best friend, my first boyfriend and I am very much in love with him and am always trying to show how much he means to me. But, being a fairly un-confident person, I am not always sure how he feels about me and often feel I have done something wrong. It may be stupid but I don't know how to turn these doubts off - its probably because of the age difference and my lack of experience. I just sometimes need a bit more affection, is that unfair? The other problem is that we both know in June we are going to have to say goodbye. We've been trying to enjoy our final months together to the full so that we have no regrets but I really don't know how I am going to deal with it, I am afraid it is going to destroy me. He is my life and one of the main reasons I get out of bed in the mornings. I hope that we can remain friends and I can still have contact with him as much as much as we both need - do you think this is possible??? The one thing I don't want is to have to make him disappear from my life completely. I am just really confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): I was married to a much older man, who like yourself he was my life. We found out that he was going to die which he did 4 years later. My life as I knrw it ended with him.
How did we cope, well we did not think about the future only the hear and now and perhaps to plan a few weeks in advance. We made the most of every minute. When he had gone the light went out in my life. That was 2 years ago and I have reinvented a new life. I met a man who is 5 years older, (a young 70) than my husband was.(I am 54), Why put myself in a similar position you might ask? Well the reason is this, this man loves me very much, I love him,but not in the same way as I loved my husband. I will not marry or move in with him. What I am wanting to say is it is better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. If you can't have all of this man then you should say goodbye and start a new life without him. It is possible. I think remaining friends will only prolong the heartache. Good luck
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 What is the reason you need to say goodbye in June? Is the relationship able to continue beyond that? I guess we need more information in order to tell you what to expect after June.
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A
female
reader, always.you +, writes (14 January 2008):
 if he really cares and you know he does sit down and talk to him about it and i know its sounds all cliche' but really it does work and yall can make it work if your really want it too
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): It is not unfair to want more affection from a person. Because this is your first relationship, its all a learning curve, and this is something positive you can take with you, aside from all the memories.
At the moment, he feels like the main reason you get out of bed in the mornings. But in time, please believe me, you will realise he wasnt. Your friends, family, hobbies, interests, work, school, uni etc etc whatever, are all reasons too.
If you are waiting on til June, and it is the right thing to do for you, you have to live for the moment and take each day as it comes. Otherwise you will make yourself poorly by the time june comes around. It might be better to think about ending it sooner, especially because you have said that he doesnt give you enough affection or reassurance.
it might be possible to remain friends, but only time will tell. You shouldnt rely on this though. You need to start rebuilding your own life, so that when he does leave, it wont be such a big blow.
It will all be alright.
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