A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been together for 20 years. When we first started to date in high school I was told by friends that she had been with a least 2 other guy's sexually. It never bothered me until just recently when our sex life started to slow way down. I never ask her until just a few days ago what was the real story was and she said I was her first. I know I shouldn't care about her past but its hard to get 20 years of thoughts out of your head. I believe shes telling the truth. Any advice to get this stuff out of my head.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (14 January 2008):
 And... if I may add... You won the prize...
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (14 January 2008):
I don't think that you should make such a big deal about what happened 20 years ago, and before you and her were together. The past is indeed the past.
If your sex life is fading, maybe it is because you need Romance in your lives once again. How about it? Have you two been taking each other for granted? Well, then spice it up! Smell good, look good, and take her out for a creative romantic evening. Make her feel sexy! Look at her like you WANT her, you know, in that ANIMAL kind of way. Tell her how beautiful she is. Touch her all over her body, like it is the FIRST TIME all over again. Wooo her & see what happens.
And... get over whether or not you are the FIRST to be with her... because you are the FINAL one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Well think about it this way, if she has been with others and told you that you were her first, it could mean she could be trying to get that out of her head and that she really regrets it. Besides, you've been together for twenty years! Twenty! That's a lot, so obviously she cares about you. Although, why exactly are you not having sex anymore. Could it be something to do with her, is she not feeling "sexy" or you know, weight issues...etc. Or was it after you asked her if you were her first? Besides, does it really matter, I mean you're together now and if you really truly love her...
don't care about who she was, but the woman she's come to be...
She's with you buddy, you're married, if she didn't want to be, don't you think she would have been long gone? Talk to her, women love talking, (I know I do) and sharing their feelings. Tell her, you love her and that you respect her and want to know why the sex has slowed down, I'm assuming that means you don't have sex anymore? She'll come around sooner or later. It can be really hard when someone you love lies to you, she might be afraid you'll think you married a slut or you'll leave her if you find out. Make sure you don't think that and tell her that. She needs to be reassured. But if you believe she's telling the truth don't ask her again, and can you trust your friends? Have you been with your friends for twenty years? Are you scared if she lies about this she might be lying about other things? Or do you just want to know the truth. Her past is what it is...*her* past...two key words there, remember that. If it's putting a wedge through you, talk about it, it can be hard, but your marriage is at stake (no pressure...)...just joking! Okay, I think my attempt to lighten the mood just failed miserably.
winkles.
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