A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, A little back story... My BF and I have been together for 3 years and 1/2, living together for 1 year. He's very loving, have great morals and have alwayst treated me amazingly and we have a average sex life. But we are really freaky, his penis is a tad smaller than average (a grower) and although it was a problem for me in the beginning I have learned to be ok with it. Specially since he's good in bed. Although hes younger by a few years, he's done a lot more than most people including myself. Hes traveled, Partied, been with so many women, lived in many places. He's a singer, hoping to one day become famous. His voice won me over when we first started dating, I noticed he's more open minded then most men and outgoing, I also noticed some "gay tendencies" his mannerisms, he's a fashionista, knows about decor. I had approached him on it and replied that he got asked once if he was gay due to his personality. But said, it's not who he is and loves women. I am open minded, freaky and bisexual. He knows that from the very beginning. In my mind, I had already accepted him if he were to tell me he was bi or curious. But he never did. When him and I moved in together I became curious in exploring more of him and since we often speak on having a family and marriage, I decided to do some exploring to make sure he's not hiding anything horrific before we decide to tie the knot. Well, Since we moved in I synced his phone to mine. (I know horrible) Everything seemed pretty normal, goes to work, searches porn a couple of times a week, typical men things. My curiosity became larger, I decided to screen his porn activity. I had noticed that his favorite porn is lesbians and anything with women pretty much, and periodically he looks at extreme porn. Beastiality, transsexuals with women, fisting, but when I came across Penis pictures I lost it and became depressed. I felt as if it confirmed my suspicions from when him and I first met. I decided to approach him and although he was nervous and tried lying about it he eventually said that he has searched those pics a few times since it turns him on but has no desire to be with a man. He also, gave me an example that although I may look at an orgy or extreme porn it may turn me on but doesn't mean I'll do it, (he's right, I won't) and he feels the same. I became resentful, distant and we almost seperated. Well, Once again he searched for penis pics, and even though I am open minded and thought to myself that I would be ok if he searched it again, I broke down in tears. Thinking so many things. In the span of a year I noticed he searched for it about 2x along with extreme porn. Today, I chose to No longer snoop. It's driving me insane. I love this man and from his actions he has shown me that he's in love. I saw him looking up engagement rings and I got excited! But penis pictures came to mind and I'm wondering if he's bi or curious. What do you guys think from my story?
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depressed, lesbian, moved in, no desire, period, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2016): @ aunt_honestyThanks for your opinion. You are totally right. And ever since I stopped snooping somehow, someway, I feel liberated. I feel less stressed. I'm definitely starting to trust again.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 OP maybe he has not told you yet because he has not come to terms with it himself yet, or else it could just be that he is not Bi at all, Sweetie it should not matter to you. I am glad you stopped the snooping we all need our privacy. Take some time to learn to trust what he is telling you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2016): Hi,
@frank_b_kermit, Thanks for your advice.
If he were to confirm my suspicions, YES, I would still marry him. I have accepted him for whom he is in every way. I'm totally in love with him.
I just wished he would tell me his deepest desires or fantasies. I am open with him and wished he was comfortable doing the same.
I know I need to respect him and if there's anything he need to tell me then fine and if not that's great. I'm just a bit impatient..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2016): @frank_b_kermitThanks for your advice. If he ever confirmed my suspicions, YES, I would still marry him. I have already accepted that he's different, no matter whom he is, I love him unconditionally. But if that was the case why can't he tell me now.. I am so open with him, and wishing he would tell me his deepest desires and fantasies. I guess I have to respect a persons privacy. But I don't have the patience
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2016): @ FishDish Thank you for your advice. What you commented makes total sense.
Also, I didn't snoop again. I was napping by his side, and as I opened my eyes he was closing the page.
And I agree in regards to rebuilding trust. I have major trust issues that need to be worked on, not only for my own personal growth but for the sake of our relationship.
Once again, thanks!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (5 September 2016):
 Ask yourself this one question:If he were gay/bi/curious/fetish/exploring/queer/undecided etc...if he confirmed your suspicions, WOULD YOU STILL MARRY HIM?IF the answer is YES, then marry him and when he is comfortable enough to accept himself, he will know he can share himself with you.IF the answer is NO, then do not marry him as you are already too suspicious of him and those doubts will not go away. Those doubts will just get worse as the pressure of a more serious relationship will turn those cracks in the foundation into worse potholes.-Frank
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (5 September 2016):
 #1-it sounds like the snooping continues, if you're seeing he's looked up engagement rings
#2-trust and believe. I have definitely looked up things I have zero interest in. Actually, most places my brain GOES when I masturbate is not where I have any interest in going in my 'real' life. It's not something I want acted on, it's not something I want to explore. In fact, some of it I find downright repulsive when I'm not in that 'mode.' The mind goes to the taboo because there's something erotic about the off-center, the non-mainstream. The other thought I've had is, he has done this SO rarely that I don't know how it could be considered an orientation.
Don't get married yet. Let trust rebuild. Don't snoop. Feel confident in your relationship before taking the next big step.
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