| A
female
,
*idgetgem
writes: Please help,My Mum is very ill, has been for a long time. The longer she's been ill the more difficult she gets. I was engaged to a chap when I was 19 and I'm now 32. She constantly refers to this guy who I dumped when I was in uni (we were engaged) and how wonderful my life could have been with him. She also seems to take every opportunity she can to criticise everything I do.I've recently become engaged to the most wonderful guy. Mum seems determined to undermine this. My younger sister is cast in the very same mould an also has had several digs at our relationship. My younger sister is 31 and lives at home and seems to resent me with every fibre of her being. When I took my partner home he could not believe the comments directed towards me by my sister and my Mum (who will always take the side of my sister). He now dreads any visit to my family.I have discussed wedding plans with my Mum and she has had nothing good to say about any of them and it's begining to get me down. My sister has also made some nasty jibes about the wedding photos as me and my partner are about 1.5ft apart in height.I really don't know what to do about my Mum and sister. My dad is great.
View related questions:
engaged, lives at home, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (8 November 2006):
 I hope it does too, just remember, she's not the one marrying him, you are!!!!!!!
Good luck!!!
A
female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (7 November 2006):
midgetgem is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok girls my Mum comes over to visit tomorrow. I am really nercous kinda sitting here worrying about whay faults she's gonna pick ........... arrrrgghhh!! Will let you all know how it goes.
I've taken all your advice on board, just hope it helps
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (4 October 2006):
Glad it worked out for you! :)
Hope it stays that way!
...............................
A
female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (18 September 2006):
midgetgem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBeen to see them .... it went ok! Better than i thought. Sis kept her nastiness to herself, maybe some one had a word!! Mum managed to be very positive so I'm very pleased!
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (16 September 2006):
Uhhh... umm....
Well, you just asked for ideas, so...
~Try and change the subject unnoticably if they're starting to get to you.
~Tell yourself it doesn't matter what they think, YOU are the one in love and you'd be better off following what you believe.
~Take deep breaths? o.O
~Call your fiance and rant, don't blow up on them....
And.. I'm running dry now... can't think today for some reason... hope this isn't too late. ^^;
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (2 September 2006):
midgetgem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm off to see them next week. Any ideas for coping mechanisms!
...............................
A
reader, Rainee +, writes (15 August 2006):
 As they say, you must live your life, and let others live theirs... but just because others live to make you unhappy, that doesn't mean you should let them! If they don't support you and your union to your fiance then don't share your joy of marriage with them.It's not your problem that they're Negative Nancies, it's theirs, and they're the ones that should be looking to be in your good graces. If they don't change their behaviour in time for the wedding, don't invite them. Personal experience lets me know just how awful it is to have people at a wedding who want nothing good for you. If they come, there is great potential for them to horrible things to ruin what should be one of the best days of your life (whether they actually mean to or not - if it's just their nature, then they may not even know how bad they are to you).Keep in mind that if you don't invite them, however, you'll never hear the end of it from them. It's your decision as to which problem you prefer... happy wedding, awful family after; or ruined wedding, gloating/awful family after.If you want your father there, but not mother, be sure he understands why she's not invited and be firm that she doesn't tag along with him.Sooner or later, you'll need to stand up to your sister and mother. Be aware that if you do, and they apologize and you extend invitations to them, they may use the opportunity to "get back" at you for daring to speak up about their abuse. Some people are like that.I know this was not a terribly comforting answer, but it needs consideration. Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (15 August 2006):
Personally, I see it as no one's good enough for any mom's child. My mom sometimes seems happy with me and my fiance, then acts polar opposite the next minute.
Thing is, so long as you're happy, don't worry about what they think. You're 32, and old enough to make the decision that is best for YOU. If your mom and your sister are being that way and haven't expressed a good reason as to why (except that they may think the past guy was better) then it's of no fault of your own. They should be happy for you! If they get angry with you just because you thought about your own happiness... then I'm sorry... they are acting pretty childishly. (No offense... just speculation.) So go for what makes you happiest. You've only got one life to live! They need to get over whatever it is... and I'm sure they will. And if they don't... you have no reason to feel guilty, or to regret your marriage.
And so what if you guys are a foot and a half apart in height... you two look past it, right?
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): Don't do anything. I'm sure there are many alternatives to finding a 'solution' to this problem, but they've been difficult forever, and geez, if they cannot support your desires and happiness, then you can just forget about them - not literally, but you know what I mean.
Just make plans with your dad, ask him for advice on how to get the wedding going, etc. When the time comes, of course, invite your mom and sis as well, but if they don't go to your wedding, then that's that. You can't expect so much considering how non-supportive they are of you anyway.
And here's a quote from Carlin: "Obedience and respect should not be automatic. They should be earned. They should be based on the parents performance."
Hehe, not that the quote is directly related tho... 8]
...............................
|
