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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm really nervous and slightly scared to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of 3 1/2 months. We're both 19, we're both virgins, we're both in love with each other and plan to get married after college. We've discussed sex, we both want to, we both plan to be safe. My really close friend just told me that she lost hers last Thursday to her bf of less than a month. She was telling me about it and the pain and slight bleeding but also how great the intimacy was. I want to feel that, I want to be with my bf like that, I want him to know how much I love him by showing him, but I can't get past the fear of the pain. Aside from the potential pain I'm mentally, and emotionally ready. I can't stop thinking about it and dreaming about it. I want this...so how do I get past the fear of pain? I realize that the pain will happen no matter what...so what am I waiting for...I would appreciate some advice and comments
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2006): just wait. itll be so much more special once ur married.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): It is going to hurt some, Yeah. But, it may not hurt all that much. It doesn't hurt all women and not all women bleed. I was much like you when I lost my virginity at 16. So, proud of you for waiting til 19 by the way and waiting til you were in love. But, anyway, as for me, I was just ready to do it, so I just told myself that it was going to hurt but eventually the pain would go away. I did not enjoy my first time at all but he was very patient with me and made sure to take it slow. After that, it was never that bad. Good luck. You will be fine.
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A
female
reader, hana +, writes (15 August 2006):
 I realy agree with our friends who have already answered your question.don't forget the foreplay, try to relax and don't think of the pain, remember that even if hurts, it's just one time. think of next times you are going to have sex.Believe me it's a joyful pain. I lost my virginity exactly one year ago. It didn't hurt that much that I thought, and amazing that I realy don't remember how "Much" did it hurt!!!and don't forget :No pain! No Gain1good luck (have fun)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): The bleeding is because of defloration ("removal of the hymen").If you got him to deflorate you lets say two days before you have sex then it wont hurt so much.After this you shouldnt bleed at all and you shouldn't be so sore, lets face it defloration is the ripping through of skin in a private area which is very sensitive so its bound to hurt even a little. For as if it will hurt or not is down to a few factors:# How you body is shaped, is your vagina big or small?# If your boyfriend goes gentle and soft or rough and hard# whether hurt is "painful" or whether your idea of pain is having an orgasm (as they can hurt for a while) I recommend you to use lubrication, first time sex can be painful soley because the couples are inexperienced, if you both aren't wet enough then it will hurt both of you alot and this is the most common reason to why first time sex hurts so much after the first is if defloration needs to occur in the process.If you are already deflorated via activities such as sport then you need not worry.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 August 2006):
 Well, consider this: you and your best friend are different women, with different bodies and different boyfriends. What if your first sexual experience is different to hers? What if it doesn't hurt you as much/very much/at all?
People wouldn't be so keen on sexual activity if it really hurt!
If you're a normal, grown woman, and your boyfriend's penis isn't something that makes you faint at the sight of it, then you'll probably find that the first time you have sex, it's... uncomfortable. Maybe a bit painful for the first few minutes, like stretching a tight muscle is painful. It's not like having a tooth pulled. If it were, do you think any woman would want to do it more than once?
Seriously, dear, think of the many "uncomfortable" activities you've engaged in all your life: menstrual cramps, waxing, high heels..! To my mind, all of those are worse than the "pain" of first-time sex. You might find that the discomfort aspect is really overrated. I know I did, and my first sex partner was -- not to put too fine a point on it -- massive.
If you and your boyfriend are committed and ready, and going to be safe, then go slow, take your time, and enjoy it. It's probably going to surprise you that it's less painful than you think.
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