A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ive been seeing my boyfriend for nearly two years,we get on brilliant and have great times together ,but when it comes down to sex its just not happening ,we getr lots of free time together, my boyfriend also does 12 hour shifts and sometimes feels tired, ive told him id dress up for him but he says hes not into that, when he was younger he slept with a few men, but has had long term relationships with women since, when i confront him about the situation why were not having sex, i say are you still into men ,he says that was his past he wants to forget aabout all that, and he tells me he fancies me finds me attractive and i turn him on, i just dont understand why the sex isent happening that much, maybee one a month if im lucky. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (12 January 2012):
You are just not sexually compatible, for whatever reason. Also, I feel that he is not being totally honest with you. If he doesn't make you feel desired it will frustrate you and lower your image of yourself. So don't let the current situation go on for much longer, get to the answer or move on.
Good luck and all the best x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): well me personally what man will turn down sex! i can honestly say in my opinion on think he's that interested in women as much as you think maybe you should really check that out honey. good luck!
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A
male
reader, two_outta_three  +, writes (11 January 2012):
Honey... One always makes time for priorities. Sex is just not a priority for your hubby.
It might be that he struggles with his sexuality, but does it really matter? If he prefers guys, why do you want to invest time into the relationship?
You must decide... How important is sex to you?
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A
female
reader, justlikeu  +, writes (11 January 2012):
maybe both of ul need to sit and talk...
obviously after 12 hr shifts he is gonna b dead tired..
why not plan out a nice weekend together.. away from all the work..then u can see whether it was the work pressure or some other matter..
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A
male
reader, JakeChaucer +, writes (11 January 2012):
Ask him whats up directly, ask him if he still wants to be with you, ask him if he still likes men. Sup with that? make time for it before work before you guys get tired, suprise him ect... See what happens
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): I don't think you will be happy with him. Sex/physical intimacy only once a month; you are incompatible.
If BF won't be forth coming with the why or doesn't know himself the why- what good is it doing to keep at him over it?
He could be in denial of his sexual orientation or struggles with it still. So with this; yes his sexual,sensual side will suffer in that when you dont feel too good about yourself, the desire wanes or dies off.
HE isn't happy though. Not within himself. People who have guilt, remorse, hurt often have such a deep sorrow and sadness to the point sexual intimacy is just not a motivator.
So perhaps you met BF at the wrong time in his life.
I think BF needs individual counselling.
You, you need to think if you can wait for him to come out of his possible depression. Or if you can handle what may be not to your liking.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2012):
 12 hour shifts? how often?
we find our drives don't match either... when he's in the mood (1 a.m.) I'm asleep... when I"m in the mood (9:30 am or pm) he's either sleeping or involved in something so sex is not that frequent with us...
I don't think that he's not into you just that his drive is very low... if he's not willing to discuss this with the doctor and see if he has Low T then there is not much you can do.
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