A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 4 years now. Over the past year especially she has been becoming distant. I wirk alot and she complains that I am never home. I tried to change that this summer. I am usually home by 6 or 7. However anytime I am home and she is watching tv she tells me to leave her alone that she is busy. A couple months ago I started talking to a female friend that i have become rather attached to. My wife accused me of having an affair. I am not. i love my wife and have tried to be with her. We don't even have sex (been about a year). After she found out about my female friend, my wife seems to have done a complete 180 and says she wants to spend time with me, wants to hang out with my friends that just 2 months ago she counted stand. She wants to have my family over for dinner when she has never wanted anything really to do with my family. I asked her about the complete turnaround and she said that she was afraid of losing me and that she was just disconnecting herself from society and that she didn't care about anything for a while. I don't know what to do. I really care about my female friend and know the feelings mutual. However I do love my wife, but really don't understand the complete 180. FYI I am 32
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): I had already cut of ties to my friend. The problems have actually been going on for a couple years just not this bad. I have tried to take the wife out for dinner/movie. It was just that everytime I tried to bring something up she got all defensive and started yelling at me. Basically no matter what I did it wasn't right. Even though I was listening to what she wanted. Things have been going better for the past week, she seems to be trying (and I am glad). It is certainly better to save your marriage then start a new relationship. I know that from customers (easier to retain what you have then get new ones). I guess I just couldn't believe or understand the complete turnaround in her attitude overnight.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): We fought all the time when I worked more. She has accused me when I was working alot and after I cut back. Actually we had a fight because I told her I was going to stop working as much. She then told me to work because we need the money. She is contradicting herself on that. And as far as her change in behavior, she did the 180 right after finding out about my friend which is why I am wondering if she is "changing" because she is afraid of my friend or if she sincerely wants to change. We have fought about the same things for a couple years. Actually some of the issues were issues before we even got married. We have been married for 4 years and dated off and on for about 7-8 years.As far as your other questions, I take marriage very seriously which is I guess what is making everything so hard. As far as the other girl I love her too. We can talk about anything. I get along so well with her, even though it hasn't been that long. My wife and I have a hard time communicating. The other problem is my wife has been so bitter about everything - she alienated her friends because she got mad at them about something and won't talk to them. I had to plead with my wife's former best friend just to get them talking again.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (27 September 2007):
Give the wife another chance. She was moving toward the point where you would need to dump her. As your wife you owe her another go. Give her a list of what you expect from her and ask if that is unreasonable.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 September 2007):
 First, your last sentence tell you what to do, "I care for her", "I love her" Why give up someone you love for someone you care for. How do you view "marriage"? In general, not just yours, it's importance, the commitment behind it?
If you don't mind, I need a few questions answered before completing this opinion.
(1) How was her behavior toward you when you worked more.
(2) Did she accuse you while you were working or after you cut it down.
(3) How long was it after you told her about this other one did you notice a change in her behavior?
Thank you.
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A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (27 September 2007):
 well if you love your wife than you should give your marrige a chance and cut off all connections to this female friend having her around will just make things worse for you as you have feelings for your female friend and may give you a big case of confussion
it seems your wife has seen the light and is trying really hard to keep you and make you happy
marrige is for better and for worse so why cut it short if there is love and you can work it out
good luck with your emotions
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): I honestly don't beleive in divorce. And it sounds like your wife loves you, too. I mean, obviously she is trying to work out your problems because she is afraid of "losing you."I would just focus on her and let my friend alone. At one time you cared enough about your wife to put that ring on her finger and give her your last name!
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A
female
reader, elitzabeth +, writes (27 September 2007):
 Wow!!! I have a question; how long was your wife being in this mood? Did you two talked about the time spent together? I think that you are not being fair here. Have you really try to spend time with your wife, I mean, she complained about you not being there for her. Did you talked to her? Did you try to change things out? Your wife was honest and straight foward about what she wanted from you, however it does not seem to me that you try hard enough to make things work. Instead, you turned into a female friends and that is not nice. I am not trying to accuse you of anything, Things happens, but I think you are not trying hard enough. She did change though. She is really trying, but what about you? My advice to you is to cut the friendship with your female friend and start focusing in your marriage. You made a commitment when you got marry: in good and in bad times you will be together.
Make it work, she is your wife..
good luck
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