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female
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*una~
writes:My boyfriend and I are planning to co-own a house together. We're both in our early 20s and we've saved up quite a bit after 2 years of working very hard. My boyfriend told me he wanted to go back to university so he can have a better career in the future to support me. However, I'll be left with paying for the house and the morgage until he's done school (4 yrs). I trust him enough that I know he will never leave me or he's using me because of my money. He's looking after our future in the long run. The only problem I have is I can see myself working really really hard to pay the bills while he's in school. Because rent is high right now, he insist to buy a house as it will be a better investment. My parents and his parents will probably need to step in to help us. Should we still go for the house? If so, any suggestion to what's a smart way of doing this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): I'm going to be brutally honest, and of course I could easily be wrong but... people generally change a great deal when they go to University and that is particularly the case if you are still in your 20s.
I think you are being really nieve if you really think your relationship will remain as it is now, because it won't, and neither will he. Of course he loves you now, but when two peoples lives drift off in different directions relationships tend to sooner or later end.
By the way, I was living with my gf in a very serious relationship and had always missed out on going to university. I was faced with the choice of working and having a mortgage and living "that kind" of life, or giving it all up and going to university to be a student. I knew I couldn't have both and there was no way I would have let my gf be financially supporting me.
I don't know what country you live in, but in the UK, even as a mature student who can claim their tuition fees if they have supported themselves for three years it is still incredably expensive, I'm sure I racked up a £15,000 student loan in the end and spent another £30,000 over the three years and I was careful with my money!! I have a fantastic 3 years, it was like one big holiday really, whereas my ex girlfriend worked very hard at her career and is now in a management position working in the city. Her 3 years consisted of early weekday nights, early mornings and looking forward to her friday and saturday nights. My life had no structure at all, I fell in to classes when I could be bothered, but more rather stayed up all night drinking, playing playstation, partying and sleeping during the day.
That is just my story, and I am glad things turned out the way they did and we never tried such a bad thing for a relationship.
I think your boyfriend needs to be realistic. If he wants to have a mortage and a future with you then he is going to have to get a degree another way. Again - if you are UK based he can get a degree through the Open University - the place where people who have financial and family responsibilies go for further education. They have to work fulltime and study in the evening. It's tough - but thats life if you want to study and have the luxuries of your own home, a committed relationship, etc. All the best.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Hi Yuna,
I would not buy a house until you both are able to pay for it equally, and by yourselves without the help of your parents. Do they all know that they may be included to help pay for a second mortgage?
I suggest living with your parents, if this is an option, while he goes to school so you can save up as much money as you can. Living with parents isn't the most wonderful experience in the world, but if you're able to afford a better place because of it then it only seems to make sense.
This is what I ended up doing while my husband was finishing school. Then after he graduated, we both stayed with my parents until he found a full time job. After six months of him working, we had enough money to buy a single family home. Originally we only thought we'd be able to afford a condo, but because we stuck it out with my parents for a while, we were able to buy so much more, and we did it on our own.
If living with your parents is not an option, then I suggest finding a small studio or one bedroom apartment. You don't need to go all out for an apartment when you plan on buying a house relatively soon, you know? If you sacrifice extra space (not renting a larger sized apartment) for a few years, you'll be able to own something much nicer when your guy graduates.
Plus if you were paying for your house without his help, it woud most likely get old after a while and you might end up resenting him. Would he have a part time job or anything to help out with any of the bills - electic, water, television, internet, trash (depending on where you live), etc? Who would be paying for food? If he doesn't have a job, would you also be paying for his gas to get places?
I know that when I lived with an ex of mine, I was going to school full time and worked three jobs to afford a place for us. He said that he wasn't going to work and would just go to school so he could concentrate on his studies. Needless to say I felt like killing him everyday, and I never thought I would have felt like that about him! I ended up moving back in with my parents and he ended up moving out of state. Not even sure if he finished school b/c I was so sick of him. You don't want to end up super stressed out like I was! It could end your relationship.
There are a lot of things to consider here, and you want to make sure you've thought through every scenario.
Also, if you end up buying a house, I would suggest his name not being included on the mortgage because, well, he wouldn't be paying for anything. It would just save you from having a headache in the future.
So the short answer is, yes - it's smart to go for the house, but only after you can both afford it.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (10 January 2007):
The anonymous female reader here below offered really good advice. It is a bad deal!! What you have to realize is that if you fail to pay for this house both your credits will be hurt and this will compromise your future more than his lack of a better job will. Therefore, do not commit to any purchase unless you are more than comfortable with all the bills associated with your new purchase. I would suggest you look into a much cheaper house that you can afford on your own with your current income. Also, if you decide to buy a house be sure to put it all in your name alone since you will be the only one paying for it and you are not married either. This way, should the two of you break up you can just kick him out and not have to loose the great house that you have worked so hard to buy and have to split the profits with him.
Good luck,
Happylife
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): A lot can happen in four years. It is unfair for him to propose going back to university and leaving you to pay all the bills.
Is he going to work part-time so he can help with mortgage payments? If not, I'd say forget the idea of buying a house together, AND of living together. After all, even if you continue to live together just renting, you're still going to be stuck with all the bills.
Also, its expecting a very great deal to ask his parents and yours to help out. Its not as if you are married.
Sounds like a bad deal, and just not worth it.
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