A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have never been the most confident or the most attractive male and at this point in time. I actually hate to admit that. I am 32 years old, single, have only had three girlfriends in the past, and only had sex with two of them. Now, I know my profession does not exactly attract the ladies (I am a History professor at a community college), but that is one of the many reasons I have my eyes set on a fellow History professor. This woman and I have been colleagues for six years, six months, and one week now. I have seen her go through heart-break after heart-break with the same man for the last four and a half years and I am just sick of seeing her go through hell!As pathetic as this sounds, I have actually listened to the advice a couple of my students have given me about her (apparently she is extremely shy herself) and I should maybe talk to her instead of just ogling at her. And this even more pathetic that I am making this sound like I am in high school again. This highly intelligent and beautiful woman is twenty-nine and has thankfully been single for the last seven months. I honestly have no idea how to pursue her; especially when she still might not be over her ex.Tips on this whole situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
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her ex, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (23 April 2009):
 Ask if she’s interested in seeing some of your primary sources or, better yet, ask her to show you her CV. Sorry, as a once-aspiring historian myself, I couldn’t resist.
I hope it’s going well. I wouldn’t mind having a beautiful 29-year-old historian for myself. But that’s another issue entirely. Message me if you want some advice. Given her situation, this might be a little tricky. I went through a similar phase and situation.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Awwww this is so sweet. I hope the very best for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): I AM THE ORIGINAL POSTER OF THIS QUESTION. Sorry to make that look obnoxious, but that is the only way I thought people would really see.I would also like to say that after me not being able to breathe for about a minute, I finally got up the courage to ask her out. She said 'yes' immediately. Which I was surprised by because she didn't seem at all interested in me before but tonight we are going to a History museum and then to dinner. I am still very nervous about all of this, but I am trying not to overwhelm myself because that might scare her away. Anyways, thank you so much to everyone who gave me outstanding advice and I will definitely post again to let you know what has happened. =]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Very good advice here. Just think with 'frienship on your mind', not anything more, and I think you'll be more relaxed. I think you got a great chance. Like eyes, please let us know how it goes! ;)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2009):
I hope the poster writes back when he gets his answer. I can't wait.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): I greatly appreciate all the advice everyone on here has given me! I am going to talk to her today and as funny and pathetic as this sounds, I am very nervous about this. It is going to be hard to think a spectacular woman like her would want a slightly over-weight, "geeky" man who wears glasses... like me. But I might as well try because what is the worst she could say? No? It would not be the first time that I am rejected, but I will try anyway. Thanks again for all the advice. :)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 March 2009):
You are a smart man. I assume you have come across enough reference material to know what makes a romantic situation. So your first aim is to get her in one.
Take a chance. Ask her out to dinner. If she seems unsure then you can say it will just be as friends with no pressure.
Then take her somewhere casual but nice. Have a great time, flatter her, find things you have in common. Be a gentleman and get the doors etc.
Then take her for a walk by a river, or to what ever romantic location you have in mind.
Tell her how happy you are that she came out with you and how you had a great time. Introduce some form of contact, either take her hand, or if it's cold then put your arms around her (wrapping her in your coat and then just not quite letting go is a good trick). If your eyes meet and the time seems right then go in for the kiss. You can always kiss her on the cheek if you chicken out.
Come back here next week if you need advice on what to do next.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Ask her opinion on what music is good for different occasions or moods. Then ask her to help you choose to download from the internet. That will get her talking intimately with you for a while. Plus, you can find out the types of music that she likes too. Then burn several CDs for her, each containing different genres of (or mood creating) music. Or, get her the already available compilations from Buddha Bar, or Cafe Noir.
Ask her to be your partner in a dance class (Salsa, Tango, etc).
Ask her to go fishing (if you a pier in your town), or hiking, or swimming in a stream or a lake or a beach.
If she is a history movie buff, do an extensive research on movies (mainstream as well as indies) on histories or culture. One "easy" search step is to go through lists/titles of films shown on international film festivals (Berlin, Cannes, Edinburgh, Toronto, Sundance, Pusan, Sydney, HongKong, etc etc etc). Discuss with her what would be interesting to watch and go look for them in town (in art houses/shops?) or order online.
After watching a movie, you can go for a drink or late supper. Or vice versa, nice dinner out and go back to watch a movie or just chill listening to the music that you have compiled (or bought)
If you first do it in a sort of "colleague" informal invitation to hang out, then maybe both of you will not feel the pressure as much. But with the right ambiance (from the music or the movie), at home watching the DVD with lights off room and surround sound on (as if you are in a theater) and perhaps some wine, then a passionate kiss is just waiting to happen isn't it? [wink]
Have fun!
Cat
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A
female
reader, satan +, writes (24 March 2009):
ladies love a bit of flattery. why dont you ask her out for a coffee you may be suprised at her answer maybe she feels the same about you. if you are having difficulty expressing your feelings try practising in the mirror or a willing friend to boost your confidence. try not to talk to much though as you may come across as desperate.
good luck mate
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