A
male
age
30-35,
*yanmac
writes:hi thank you for taking the time out to read this, well to start things off, i have been with my girlfriend for nearly 15 months now, i am 17 she is 16, anyway when we started going out she was only 15, we got to talking about diffrent things and she told me that she had had sex only once, then a few weeks later said that it wasnt really sex it never went in and her mum came in or whatever, i had only had sex with one girl. so all was well, she was a virgin etc. and since she was only 15 i decided to wait until she was 16 before we did anything, so 7 months went by and we hadn't had sex or anything, then she turned 16 and told me she really wanted to do it, so we did, and i had given her oral because she said she had never had it before, anyway we were lying in bed and i was joking around and cutely said, so who was it that first gave you oral, expecting it to be me, but she turned around and said it was this boy she used to date, so i walked out the room and when i came back in she was in tears saying she was confused and that she had text him to prove to me that it was actually me that was her first time. So it passed and i got on with my life, i never really had any friends at the time and if any they were girls, i had about 3 friends who were all girls but i never seen them (yes only 3 friends, i dont care im depressed enough about it)so she got to go out with all her friends whilst i was always stuck in.we were also in a routine where we met, every monday, wednesday, friday and saturday.im sorry im writing so much i just want you to know all the details.anyway we had a few arguments over the months big deal everyone does but i still loved her, in fact if i wasnt actually IN LOVE with her then i know it was pretty close.any time i actually had the oppertunity to go out it was always on a day that me and my girl met so i would have to give it up for her or she would just get upset, but it she got to go out whenever because if it was a day we met she would always get mad at me for not letting her out with her friends, so it got to the 9 month mark and we were arguing every single day, literally, i was so depressed, then she told me that she was going to be on holiday for our 1 year anniversary which made me feel worse, so it got to the year anniversary and for 3 months straight we had argued every single day, although we always had sex to make up, we had sex about 3 times a week for 5 months and i loved it, then it got november of last year and she just stopped. stopped trying to turn me on, stopped trying to have sex with me, and we were still arguing ever single day, anything i said she would take the wrong way, sometimes i think she done it purpose just to start an arguement.she was also getting angry very easily, and crying everyday and anytime i wanted to take a days break from seeing her she got mad at me and we were at each others throats again, weve had several talks but nothing gets through to her, weve had times where i will just stop arguing and give her a cuddle and say sorry but its so hard, its always me thats stops the fighting and says sorry first, she never stops the arguments, in every argument its like she pushes me so that i'll say something bad to her like "oh stop being a ****" or whatever and then she'll cry again and act like im the victim, and even though we both know that its always her that starts the arguments, when i tell her that she gets all upset and tells me off for always making her the bad one, she provokes me to explode then acts like the victim when i do... so i broke up with her and said it was because of her attitude, but 3 hours later i asked her back out because it was too hard to be away from her, then it got to december, everything was still the same, we had gone from having sex 3 times a week to going 2 months without it, i asked her a few times and she said no, and then when we were meeting she would always say, i cant wait to meet you, i think we should have sex when we meet, and then when the time came to meet she always had an excuse not to meet, then if a got upset about it she would turn it into another arguement.she once told me that because it was raining, and she had to walk to the bus and because she would get wet, it would be too much of a bother. so i said its only rain and you will dry when you get here, and then she started shouting at me saying she had too much homework to do for school and if i was a nice boyfriend i would care about her schoolwork. christmas day came and i text her to say merry christmas and i told her that the t shirt she got me was a bit too small, and she went off her head swearing and everything, (by the way the arguments are 90% through text) so she spoiled my christmas aswell, its now january and we still argue everyday. an its still the same everytime i asked her about us not having sex she tells me to go do it with someone else if i want it so much, i would never do that and it makes me so sick when she says it.she had now put school before me and thats her main excuse of getting out of seeing me, it breaks my heart because i dont know how much i love her anymore, and when i ask her to be nicer to me she always says she shouldnt have to change and i should love her for who she is, she also blamed me for making her this way.i asked her once in a text saying, what is it that you like best about me? and you cant say everything, and she text back saying but i do like everything, and i calmly just said, what do you like best though and she got all angry and started arguing and then she said "i like the way you make me feel!" so i told her i dont like sarcastic people and she said "you shouldnt like me then"she text me a few days ago saying we should go into town and then we would go for a meal then she would come to mine then we would have sex that day and she would stay the night with me.and yes, again that morning she started and argument over nothing, so we didnt go into town, then she asked me if we wanted to go for a meal, i said no because of the way she just spoke to me, then about an hour later i said lets go for that meal then and she said no but i could go to her house, so i said ok and 10 minutes later she said it was too late because she wasnt ever ready, and told me i shouldnt do this to her, always changing my mind.. i didnt understand that at all, i changed my mind once...so i asked her if she still wanted to stay over and she said no because she would be hurting her mum if she did. so in the end, she changed her mind from wanting to meet to not, wanting to go for a meal to not, wanting me to come over to not, wanting to stay to not. finally i text her today and said "i know our sex life is like non exisent now but do you ever think of me in a sexual way still?" she shouted at me and said it wasnt non existent because we did it a few days ago (first time in months) and then after a few texts she said she thinks of me that way every single day then told me to leave her alone because she was at school.if you managed to read all this then thank you so much, im reall deperate and i have been prescribed clinically depressed by the doctor, she always says shes depressed too. she says she still loves me, and when i asked her to go on a months break she said she couldnt be without me for that long and that she wouldnt wait that long for me so if i was going to do that i should just break up with her.i have thought about ending my life 2 times since being with her, but never acted on it because i am head over heels in love with the girl.please help me.Ryan.
View related questions:
anniversary, broke up, christmas, depressed, on holiday, sex life, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (8 January 2009):
 This is a classic symtom of mistaking sex and love. You seem to really be emphasising that sex is the most important thing. Its what you are droning on about and basing your relationship around. I have no doubts that you are feeling down but in a loving relationship sex is not the center of it all. Its important but its not the basis of the whole thing, you dont txt and agree you are going to have sex it just happens.You both seem to have divided, you could try talking to get calmly and just ask her whats up. Speaking to her and trying to sort it out is the only way to try and salvage it.You should also know that girls love to argue and will purposely start an argument. Why ? I have no idea its just a fact of life.I have no doubt its tough for you but if you go your separate ways you just need to be tough and try to put it out of your mind. The world will not end, she will not be the last girl you love and tomorrow is always a new opportunity.
A
male
reader, Sisyphus  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Ryan, my heart ached for you when finally managed to get to the end of your essay.
Look, I know this is all really intense for you now, and I understand that you love this girl.
What you need to understand is that you need to look after yourself first and get yourself into a good place mentally. Unless you are in a good headspace no relationship you ever enter into, no matter how amazing the girl, will ever be functional.
Loo after your mental health
...............................
A
female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Listen Ryan. Can I tell you now that I am that girl. I know exactly what you are talking about because I did the same thing with my boyfriend of 9 and a half month. The thing is though. I found out he was a pathological liar and did drugs without me being aware of it. I stayed with him because he had lost his friends and I was all he had left. I did not want to have sex with him because I felt that my feelings for him had been lost along with all of the trust I had. I wanted to see other people, so I would pick random fights with him to avoid sex.
The thing is, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me at one point too because we were fighting too much. I was acting all fine and was ready to get on with the rest of my life, until he begged for me to come back to him a few hours later. I got back with him for some reason, but I cannot recall why I did. It was probaly because he had made me feel guilty and had been crying the whole night.
It sounds like you and your girlfriend unstable people.
I feel that the best thing for you is to break up with her and to get your life put together on your own! She is clearly giving you signs that she is not happy with the relationship. The problem is, you 2 have been dating for so long that it feels like it is just part of your routine. I am telling you now to break up with her despite how much you feel that you love her.
She seems like no matter how much you fight she will not break up with you. Maybe she is waiting for you to make the move for good? Think about your situation and evaluate other relationships. You are not in a helpful relationship..this relationship is hurting you.
You need to get your life put together before even considering a relatioship. If you can find it in you to end things before she does than congradulations.
And if you do break up with her.. I beg of you not to try to contact her or get back with her for a while. My ex still tries to contact me and I get annoyed by him frequently. If he were to not text or call me for 2 weeks or so then I would feel the need to talk to him. If you two are meant to be than that is part of Gods plan. But if not, you will def have someone else out there for you. You both need some time being single and you are too young to have all of this stress in your life. Focus on school because once you hit 21 a whole new world will be introduced to you. Just live a little please. Maybe a break up is what she wants and maybe this is what you NEED!
Your life is very valuable, so please I beg of you do not try and end it. Everyone has a purpose. Some just take longer to find out what their true purpose in life is. "If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything"- Put God first in your life, not your girlfriend. Just remember to have faith.
...............................
A
male
reader, Vagn +, writes (8 January 2009):
 please do not end your life and try not to be depressed but if she is at school she should let her work come first, but i am not saying that she is right but she should still see you and stop making up excuses and meet up now and again and try to chat and sort things out and if you want to chat then you should chat face to face and not through text.
also when you argue do not retaliate or blame anyone because that just makes things worse and just walk out or try to calm the situation, also try speak to her and tell her how much in love you are with her, and try not to say something that could start in a arguement and personally i think that you should split up because it will be better for the both of you and i know you might have had a sex life and you are in love with her.
but personally i think that you should split as it would be better and that she can do her school work and you can do whatever and you can both move on and try to be friends (without arguing) nad just have a break from each other.
...............................
|
