A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im finding it hard to accept the girl in the mirror.Im not the type of girl that has self esteem issues, Im actually a very confident individual. But lately I really hate myself. I'll be honest as much as I like to think Im attractive in my own way, I think Im really ugly. Whenever I see reflections of myself like when Im walking to school ,I apsaloutly hate what I see. I'd love to swap my body with someone else. I dont care about compliments so please dont smother me with cliches "your beautiful in your own way" or all of that shit people do to shut me up.I think my insecurity comes from guys from the past and other people. The guy I used to like used to string me along and date other girls infront of me.They were all really pretty so that might be a factor of me feeling this way.Also, I am the middle child and both my sisters are apsaloutly stunning! the older one used to be a model and the little one has just got the perfect bone structure (you know all symetrical and stuff). I have to be the ugly one, no wonder I cant get a boyfriend. They can (both taken ,suprisingly!)but look at me. Im not saying boys are important, I focus on education ,thats my thing but why the hell am i so unnattractive!Ive tried and failed and i need your help, Ive realised this is a unhealthy state of mind so I want better. Id like to accept myself like this because even though my face isnt all that, I have a good heart I believe.We all have flaws so how do we learn to accept it?ThanksMuch lovePats x
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female
reader, CuteBabe  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 Pats dear,
People see what YOU show them!!!
If an outstanding mind-blowing beatiful model had low self-esteem and thought low of her self people will see her that way!! On the other hand if an ugly elf thought high of herself and had great confidence people won't see her that ugly!! think about it your self! think of some friends of yours think of one who isn't that OH-SO-beautiful type but is confident, how do you see her?? Don't you admire her?!
Okay now I have another point to talk about! Its your age! honey you 13-15 these are your early teens in other words these are the years that puberty strikes right?!
People between 11 and 15 go through transformation stages we all didn't look that good back then!! because our bodies and faces change alot to reach its final image which is always some how agreeable believe me!!
I reccommend that you wait a couple of years ( but boost up your self esteem abit and agree with what you have) and then if you still didn't like what you see you could get a makeover that always helps too..
Finally I want to repeat my first sentence by saying it's all about what you show people and how you see yourself!!
good luck pats
A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 I'd say the only way to love yourself is to accept yourself 1st - ok you're ugly but SO WHAT, you are YOU, your best friend and that one person that you should care about the most, it's all that matters. Try focusing on your positive sides, like maybe your nose is ugly but you have great eyes and cheekbones, also whenever you start putting yourself down immediately correct yourself, if you walk by a mirror and think "oh god why am I so ugly" the next thing you'll think is "I look cool with this haircut" or something similar - you get the point. If you ask me, attractiveness is maybe only 30% looks, the rest of it is the way you act, dress, smell, talk, walk etc. The best advice I can give you is accept yourself just the way you are and then realistically work with what you've got. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk some more about it, I've been there myself and think I might be able to help if what I already wrote isn't enough. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): Actually the reason you're not getting guys is because you feel that way not because of how you look.
I saw a happily married morbidly obese woman today with hairy moles and dark hair on her upper lip. Not what I'd consider attractive but her husband seemed to think she was. My point is she was happy and confident, that's an attractive quality in a person. They're actually quite important traits.
We all have flaws as you said, how do we learn to accept them? Easy, you change the ones you can change and you learn to find acceptance in the ones you can't. The way I learned to accept the ones I couldn't change was to ask people what they thought of my flaws and none of them even considered them flaws. They like those flaws because they make me, uniquely me. If others can like them I can too.
Now if you wanna become some "perfect" supermodel, that incidentally very few guys find appealing, by destroying what makes you you, then you're a fool. (no offence)
We guys love variety, we love all shapes and sizes, of face, breasts, feet, legs, bone structure, body fat percentage, facial shape, ass, hands, noses,lips etc we all like different things. If everyone looked like the stereotypical rottenly thin supermodel that women all seem to strive to be, we guys would be bored as hell and life wouldn't be worth living.
My best friend had a discussion the other day comparing women we liked and we literally did not find one single that we both found attractive, I don't have even nearly the same tastes as him at all.
For example he thinks Kirsten Stewart is hot, I think she's a dog, I like Elisha Cuthbert he thinks she's a dog.
My point is I don't know if I would find you attractive or not I haven't seen you and frankly it doesn't matter whether I would or not, but I can say for certain a happy, confident woman is a million times more beautiful than one that isn't.
Your flaws don't matter to anyone but you, so why be the only one they matter to? The two actresses I named both have tonnes of flaws but they don't matter because it's just a state of mind, that you can change by making yourself change it.
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A
female
reader, Mature Lady +, writes (22 September 2010):
Hi Pats most girls of your age feel a bit insecure of their body shape and looks. I did when I was your age many many years ago. no matter what age a person is there is usually something about themselves they are not happy about. You seem a clever girl who can write a very good letter, you concentrate on your studies, make friend's and try not to feel so insecure, nobody is any better than youAnd it is what is inside a person that attracts not always what you can see on the outside.Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Georgeyporge +, writes (22 September 2010):
\Hi Pats- you might be surprised at how insecure MOST pople are about their looks etc. I'm a lot older than you,have a job where I have authority over quite a few people yet I have inscurities that date back to my teens.
I have always had to push myself despite my self doubts and the thing that has saved me is that I have had some great relationships and in all cases the women I have had relationships with are always "too good" for me in my eyes but they have loved me because they wnat to be with me because of who I am as a person. Like you I think I hav a good heart. I also have a fairly good sense of humour and many people have said that those things mean so much more than looks. You probably look muchbetter than you make out, but if someone didn't like you because you weren't so good looking as your sister then it's a pretty good indication that you should avoid someone so superficial.
I sounds trite but belive in yourself, look at the positives in your life and trust that someone will like and love you for who you are.
Georgey
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