A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a 46 year old divorced woman and I have been dating this wonderful guy (51 divorced 3 times) everything was going great and btw we have been only dating a month. He moved very quickly and having me meet his family and telling me how much they like me etc. We said when we first started dating that we can only date one person at a time. After 3 weeks he told me he had dinner with someone else the night before and this upset me greatly. We discussed it and decided we would still see each other and that he was only keeping his options open (dont like it but went with it). He calls me everyday (or did till 2 days ago) and we went out again 2 days ago and we had a wonderful time even though I feel off with the situation. I emailed him how I was feeling on him seeing someone else and even asked if he was seeing someone this weekend (he did). I told him that he changed the rules and I cant see us moving forward if he continues this. He emailed me back with this and I see it but I am so confused on whether to see if he comes back around or let go. I appreciate his honesty but am I only kidding myself??----------------------------Let me first start by saying, I too enjoyed last night, I truly had a good time. You are a wonderful person.I'm somewhat confused by your email, If I have dinner with you it is somewhat of a betrayal on my part if I have dinner with someone else. You remind me of what I said the first time we met, "I can only be in a relationship with one person", that still holds true.At this time I don't feel I'm in a committed relationship. I'm trying to find myself and who I am and getting to know different people. I need to do this at this time. I also told you at our first face to face that you where the first person I had met. And yes, that was about a month ago. I believe I need to at least meet different people for at least a while before I get into a committed relationship.I don't want to hurt you in any way, but I'm not ready to make a commitment to a relationship so soon after being single again, One month is just not long enough.To answer your question, Yes, I'm having dinner with someone tonight. I would have told you last night if you'd asked. I believe I am an honest person. The truth is we may be on different pages as far as "us" goes.I've enjoyed our time together and getting to know you, But I don't what to continue hurting you as it appears I have. My life is important too, I can't make an objective decision about my future with a reference point of ONE. I know this isn't what you want to hear. Maybe I need to catch up to where you are in your life but this will take time.I afraid if we continue like this you'll continue to be hurt and I'll feel guilty for hurting you, I don't want to do either.I think it would be best if we cool our jets for awhile and maybe revisit this/us at a latter date.You really are a wonderful person, I just need some time
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): Look: it sounds to me as though this man is being very honest with you. Not trying to hurt you. He says he only recently came out of another relationship and feels he needs to keep his options open at this point.
He really DOES need to see others and date them to get some idea of who he might be compatible with. This is reasonable. You and he have only been dating for one month and that is way too soon to decide to be in a committed, exclusive relationship!
Not only that, but you agreed with him when he said he was keeping his options open - even though you didn't like it, you did agree to it. You COULD have told him it was unacceptable and that you weren't going to see him again, you know!
OR you could have taken the attitude that it was too early after only what?, two or three dates, to commit to not seeing anyone else - that YOU yourself would be free to see other guys too. Because the truth is, you had every right to allow yourself the opportunity to meet others.
CAVEAT: IF the two of you were having sex, THEN you would not expect him to date other women, or you to date other men - but sex after such a very short acquaintanceship would not really have been appropriate anyway. See, it takes time to get to know one another, to discover whether there's real compatibility and potential for a long-term relationship.
It probably would have been better if you had not sent him the email telling him how you felt about him seeing others. But too late now. Maybe the two of you are really not on the same page. Timing plays a part in meeting someone and finding out what the prospects for the two of you might be.
I do hope you can relax a bit and see if you can meet one or two other nice men to go out to dinner with! See what happens!
A
male
reader, home_land  +, writes (2 April 2007):
 hello
that was a praive email and i am sorry that i hve no answer to what you asked about .becouse his answer is good enough for you to under stand that you are a person that he knows.and you approved that by puting his praivet words to you infont of us her to read ,and that is not right and got nouthing to do with loving and caring from your side.
good luck
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