A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was about 12 or 13 years old I was babysitting this 1 year old boy. I still had not fully gone through puberty so I still had some maturing to do. When I would change him, I noticed that sometimes his penis would come up sometimes almost as if it was erect. I had never seen this before and I wondered if it was possible that he did have and erection at that age. Then I wondered if that was really the case, then would it be possible for him to ejaculate that young. I was simply curious I never ever thought of children sexually but I was just curious. So i decided that since there was a baby here that i could find out with, I would just go ahead and get the answer for myself. I decided to take a tissue and i rubbed his penis as if a guy would while he is masturbating. I stopped after just a couple minutes because nothing happened so I just figured whatever it doesn't work so I guess they can't. I feel so ashamed about this and my mom said it was just a normal curious phase that I went through and that if I were to do it now it wouldn't be okay but given my age it was normal I didn't think about how wrong it was. I feel so ashamed to even write this because I have been dealing with this guild for years. I am 16 now and I just want to let it go and move on. I would never do that now I can't even believe I ever did that. I love kids and certainly not in a sexual way. I even got so paranoid that I began after that to have gross sexual thoughts about kids that made me sick to my stomach because I made myself believe that I was some kind of sexual freak with children. I've made myself feel horrible for this and I just can't seem to let it go. I need to know if this was just a normal phase.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): no, you were young and curious. everyone gets curious, right? you've done well for posting it on the internet, perhaps it'll help you let go of it.
(ps, it probably "erected" because he felt the need to pee. I remember when my nephew was young and i had to change him, the same happened to him! i doubt that it was an erection!)
A
female
reader, cloudnine-andbeyond  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 you were young. its understandable for you not to know whats right and wrong at that age. and just by the fact that you posted this on here proves that you are not a bad person. a bad person would not even consider asking for help because they wouldn't see anything wrong with what they did. just accept what you did and let it go. it was 3 years ago.. you've grown up and matured since then and know what people should and shouldnt do. at the age of 13 all sorts of hormones will be being released in your body and your mind. and also no one seems to want to talk about 'growing up' and it can seem weired talking to parents. all you need is your mum saying its fine (which she did). dont worry about it anymore.
all the best to you xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Personally, yes, I think you were going through a curiosity phase. Girl, this has been weighing on you way too much for way too long. You were curious, young, didn't really know what you were doing, or what's right and wrong... three minutes of your life that the kid has no memory of has been torturing you - a girl who seems to be mature enough to recognize that you didn't make the right decision and that what you did could be a potentially horrible behavior.
You do not have abusive tendencies. You don't have a sexual yearning for children. You do not seem like a child abuser. Unless you are still having curiosities about children, I really think that you were simply a curious child. I hope you let this go and can get the guilt off of your shoulders.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is not normal and what you done was sexually abuse a child.
So it will take time for you to get over it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): hi, well no this is not what the average person would do... but given your age maybe you still didnt know right from wrong. If you still feel guilt you need a good way to release the issue. Put it into the hands of God and let him forgive you. its a known fact that God is a very good therapist for this sort of thing. take care!
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