A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i feel kinda odd asking this but i really fancy someone i don't know very well, but it's not like any normal crush. i work in a bar and he always catches my eye and then one night out i bumped into him and i felt that there was more than just a crush. the thing is thats the one time i have spoken to him properly. im a guy and i dont know if hes gay but dont want to ask so if [hopefully when] i go out and see him somewhere, i want to speak to him again, what should i do if i can talk to him.i researched things and think that i could interpret his body language but then the issue is that i could get it all wrong, i added him on facebook [if thats any help]. i suppose the question is how do i approach him, what do i say, how do i make sure i dont come on too strong in anyway or just embaress myself. all feedback is welcome, thankyou
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok the feedback is great, very useful and yeah he doesnt advertise his preference on facebooki dont think looking through groups helps, it just confuses me more and stereotyping things that a gay person likes wont get me any further as i find i myself dont fall into the stereotype.i have obzerved that he is part of a group of guys who hang around with a group of girls and all go out together, im thinking some things make him look one way and some make him look the other. i need to really think because im worried i might jst be seeing what i want to see. theres no chance of me seeing him until some point in the new year but i really am greatful for the support and advice you have offered.just wondering how should i talk to him when i see him, i know it sounds like a stupid question but im not feeling so confident. i have allready been invited to a party he will hopefully be at but am unsure on how i will approach him or anyone else.im really wondering whether or not body language is a giveaway because i have been researching it and am thinking that if i use the signs that are listed i can interpret is intentions. the only problem is im wondering could they be really easily mis-interpreted. for example it says if someone leans closer into your personal space or dont mind u moving into their's then its a sign of attraction, but could it be the same if you are just friends???also do people tend to mimic someone's body language when they are attracted to them, so if u r talking and u touch your ear or hair then they will, within a few seconds, copy your movement???please tell me what you think because im really confused and dont know whether i am over looking things
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 The biggest problem is that you don't know if he's gay. On his fb profile, he probably kept his orientation as straight or blank then, right? He may still be in the closet then if gay. So, I suggest you befriend him. Keep it light. Tell him you're going to see a cool band at a bar with a couple of friends on the weekend, would he like to come? Don't ask him to do things alone with you yet...a bit much. If he's into a football, invite him to a game but be very casual about it. Eventually, as you start talking/hanging out more, you can learn about him and see if hes gay/interested. If he's not, there's nothing wrong with having a good friend in any case :)
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (25 December 2010):
just chat normally and drop the odd question in at appropriate times like bringing up the subject of girlfriends etc (asking if he has a girlfriend) - if he has one he'll tell you and u know where u stand.
If he hasn't again he'll say so and if he hasn't ask 'how come'? This is where you're answer may come. If he's not one for volunteering information, you may have to dig a bit deeper.
I hope you're following as it's very hard for me to describe exactly how I mean on here.
Also, if you've added him on facebook, have a look through his details, posts, groups he belongs to and pictures to see if that helps you.
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