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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey, I need some advice... I know I shouldn't have done it but (perhaps because I find it hard to trust people) but I looked at my boyfriend's email account. I found an email from his now ex girlfriend from a month ago. He and I got together around late october last year and I think we actually admitted we were a couple after christmas... From what I can see I think they were still together in september, but the reason i'm worried is that the girl's email seems to suggest they only split at christmas. I think it was over long before, i.e. when he started seeing me... but she seems to be very insecure and I think maybe he didn't have the heart to tell her he'd met someone else.She spoke alot about him saying he didn't know what he wanted and so on, but there are also mentions of him telling her it was over and he didn't want to be with her anymore. What I am worried about is the following: was he actually still with her when he was seeing me or was he just a bit unsure how to finish with her and tell her about me? If he did it to her what's to stop him doing the same to me when/if he gets fed up with me?On the other account one of my close friends read the email with me and she said that she thought from reading the girls words that the relationship was well over when we started going out and by the sheer desparation of her words it was unlikely anything had happened over christmas and before, because if it had she wouldn't be acting this way i.e. trying desparately to get him back. Please help, I'm really confused!?!
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christmas, ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): thank you for your advice guys, greatly appreciated.... funnily enough a few days after asking this question i was with my boyfriend when his ex rang him... it was a really awkward moment as she obviously started asking questions he didn't want to answer. I got really upset by this as he left the room to answer the phone and when i asked who it was he jst replied "it doesn't matter, it's not important". I confronted him and we sorted it out, he's promised to be honest with me about her, so hopefully it'll stay that way!
Also when i was sat with him and he was checking his emails i noticed that he had deleted the email that i mentioned in my first question and it was in his trash can.... just wanna ask why u guys think he would have done this - because he's finally been able to delete it because he's finalised it due to me being upset or because he's afraid i'll see it now he knows i know about his ex?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): ok, this ex sounds exactly like me! My bf broke up with me cause he didn't love me anymore, I adored him and knew he used too and knew I had been doing things lately to push him away, I was sure that I could get him back so I emailed, rang, texted... this went on for weeks until finally he told me he had a new gf! Let your bf be, its just us silly ex gfs trying to win our men back!He's with you now, don't worry, he wouldn't be if he still loved her especially when it so obvious that she loves him!
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A
female
reader, brokenhearted +, writes (18 February 2006):
Do you know anything about this ex? How long they were going out etc..?
I think that he wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to be with you. In all relationships there is usually always someone more hurt than the other person and maybe this is the case with the ex gf... i suppose she was upset with the breakup and your bf might haave been calling her to make sure she was ok out of concern and maybe in her head the relationship didn't end when she thought it did!
Seriously though don't let it worry you
But also on a different matter, why were you assessing his emails? Relationships should be based on trust and I don't really think it exists here...were you worried bout ex before checking his mail?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2006): Dear, your feelings of fear, confusion and mistrust are controlling your rational thoughts. This is how it is for most of us. We let our feelings dictate our relationships because we feel they are the best barometer of a new romance. Be careful..because fear-based feelings can derail a great relationship before it gets off the ground. His behaviours will tell you of his trustworthiness and from what you say in your posting, he has done nothing wrong. About his ex gf's e-mail, if I were you, I'd listen to your friend's opinion. She's has given you a good, objective, impartial assessment of what she is seeing. She is looking out for your best interests and I'm sure if she thought this e-mail seemed highly suspect, she would tell you. These type of challenges pop up in many new relationships. Re: ex gf's. How you maturely and sensibly deal with stuff like this, is what others will take note about you. So keep a cool head. He did nothing wrong...he has no control over 'who' emails him. Let it go. The ex gf was making a last ditch effort to get him back but guess what, he's with you. I wouldn't worry about this hun-just keep being yourself, take it one day at a time, have fun and focus all your attentions and efforts on building trust and committment with this new guy. Your relationship with your bf is what...about 4 months old? It's still in it's infancy-you both are still laying the groundwork for a future loving relationship It's a long process to learning total trust...so be patient. I wish you the best and please..relax and no more checking his e-mails!
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (10 February 2006):
 dear reader to me it sounds as though you might be the one feeling a litle insecure it looks to me though your friend might be right he probably didn't want to say anything to you because it wasn't nescersary.i wouldn't worry about this this other girl (the ex) is having trouble letting go of the pastwhy not try talking to him about it you might be surprised and releaved i wish you well and hope this is just a misunderstanding good luck xxx
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