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Was she testing to see if I'm actually interested? Should I ask her out? Or was she just bored?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2012)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *rfunny writes:

I have been talking to this girl I have known for two years. We have been chatting a lot recently and she has been asking me to meet her. I have been busy so have not been able to.

She has been texting me a lot and hints she wants me to take her out. So i make a plan, she's happy, we talk all week. We are supposed to meet Monday evening 7pm. She's accepted to go. Last convo was Friday night and I didn't speak to her over the weekend. As I set the plans and she said yes to everything Monday came but no convo from her. I assumed she wasn't interested so she didn't speak to me over weekend.

Because she did not speak to me whole weekend, she talks to me everyday I assumed she changed her mind on the offer and rather than telling me just stopped talking. It was slightly out of character.

So Monday 6pm I think to myself, no chance I wasted my past few weeks talking to her she doesn't even like me.

Monday 8pm (hour after proposed meeting time) she says hi how r u?

Again I thought she didn't want to go hence starting convo after planned event. But she didn't say anything about us going out that evening.

A week later we talking about meeting again and she complains that I didn't take her out last time and she was disappointed I didn't go ahead.

I was like what? I didn't go ahead? That message she sent me after could of been sent on the morning of date.

So question is.. Was she testing to see if I'm actually interested or is she just bored and uses me as option to get out when she feels like it.

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A male reader, Tom Obler  United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2012):

Tom Obler  agony auntHi,

Stop the second guessing. You had a meet up at 7pm, she was there, you was not. However, you have the elusive second chance. I believe if you re-arrange another meet-up and also apologize to her for your misunderstandings then I think you will have a chance.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (30 November 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt I think this is just crossed wires, and probably now she is wondering why you stood her up without a word of explanation :).

Why are you so ready to second guess ? Monday at 7 in my book, means Monday at 7, with no need for further confirmation if it's a set date and not just a tentative appointment . Particuarly because you had just talked on Friday night, so there was no need for any special reminder , as it would have been the case if the appointment was for ,say,10 days later.

Sure, if you are used to talk every day, it's unusual that she did not on the weekend. But, she just might have been busy. Or, simply, have thought that there was no need for exchanging walls of texts since you were finally getting together in person on Monday and you could talk all you want. Her silence does not have to mean anything negative per se- considering she is the one who manouvered for the date.

Anyway, if you had doubts, why didn't you contact her to confirm : " hey are we still on for Monday ? " or " didn't hear you all weekend, something came up ? " or something like that.

Who knows, maybe she was waiting for you to confirm- or she did show up and you never arrived !

Her 8 p.m.message to me indicates that she is pussyfooting too, she did not want to come up and say " hey why did you not confirm, or why did you not show up " and was tryng to find up diplomatically what was going on. Same as you :).

In fact, also, you should not have been so diplomatic and elusive : Why did not you tell her, at 8.p.m.- we were supposed to meet at 7, but I never heard from you, so I assumed it was canceled, was I right ?

Jeez, man, humans have got this great gift of language, let's use it rather than tryng to mind read !

Of course, I cannot know it for sure it went as I said, but to me it is a definite possibility. And even if she had actually blown you off, how would you know now ? you never showed up yourself ! From now on, stop guessing, and start ASKING for what you want to know.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (30 November 2012):

Honeygirl agony auntSounds like neither of you know how to communicate.

ASK her out - no dont text her - SPEAK to her. Set a time and date for when you want to see each other.

It sounds like you made a date with her and because she didnt text you for a weekend - you stood her up!

I does sound like she likes you and that she is giving you another chance!

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