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female
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anonymous
writes: Was my ex hiding something? I just broke up with my ex fiance a little over a month ago, but now I keep remembering things that he did that bother me. One time he traveled to Colorado (we were living in new york) to work on renting out one of his places. I said I wanted to go with him (because that was where I was from and I wanted to see friends/family). He said I couldn't afford it and it would be boring for me and we got in a fight over it so I decided not to go. Anyway, one night he told me he was going to a bar across the street from his place with his guy friend. He called me when he was back at his place about to go to bed. Then, the next morning he told me how he had a late night and I asked how since he went to bed early. He said after he got home he wasn't tired so went to another bar close by and saw a lot of people including his ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend. He was telling me how her boyfriend was such a loser and how she was all skinny now and had stopped smoking.(He broke up with her originally because she smoked a lot and many other reasons-actually he broke up with her to go out with me). Anyway, what was strange throughout our whole relationship was that he always tried to get me to smoke and I didn't want to-he would get mad if I didn't. So, I'm wondering if he was just trying to turn me into her. Anyway, I got kinda mad when he didn't tell me that he went out a second time that night and he got mad at me for being mad. I remember now that before he went to colorado he asked if it would be weird if he called his ex to hang out with her-I said yeah it would be weird! So he said he wouldn't. I know that we are broken up now, but do you think that he cheated? Even if he didn't cheat, was he being dishonest by trying to leave out the fact that he bumped into his ex?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 From the information you give, I have the feeling that you posted another question some time ago.
Your question is a good question. In short, I believe he was hiding something, indeed.
Sometimes we get involved in wrong relationships and, because we want things to work, we just don't think too much about certain signs, comments, questions which we don't find to be too much of a thing. Later, after a lot of pain and recomposing, when we finally can see clearly, we come to realize that they were very important. I guess this is what's happening to you now.
I will speak on the basis of what you wrote. In my opinion, your ex wasn't really over his ex, and he didn't really want to marry you. He had tried to go on with his life, but he hadn't forgotten her. He didn't want you to go to Colorado because he was intending to see her again. I don't think he just bumped into her; I have a hunch that they remained in contact and they arranged a meeting. His comment about how the new guy was a loser, and how the girl had lost weight and quit smoking, mean that he still wants her and found her to be a better girl than she used to be. He wanted you to smoke because he wanted you to remind him of her.
His asking whether it would be weird to hang out with his ex was a way to test the waters. He wanted to see whether you would let him get away with it. Since, quite naturally, you didn't, he made up the whole story of bumping into her in a bar.
Maybe your ex didn't cheat, but I'm sure he wasn't sincere and he didn't respect you. Maybe he started his relationship with you meaning to actually make it work; but, when he found out it wasn't working, he should have told you so, before trying to go back to his ex. So, he was unfaithful.
I think you can consider yourself lucky that, in the end, you didn't marry this man. It doesn't sound like it would have been a relationship that would really work. You were clearly all in love with him, but I'm afraid that he wasn't that committed to you. He's not pure evil; perhaps he's just a weak man, but, he didn't treat you right. My advice is that you move on. You do need to understand what it was that you lived with him, what went wrong, how and why, but, you also need to put him in the past. I'm sure you will find someone for whom you will really be the One.
Take care.
A
female
reader, muffy  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 hunney he was being dishonest.and im probably not gonna tell you what you wanna here but its the truth and you deserve to know.if he tried to leave out the fact that he saw his ex girlfriend then maybe he did it because he didnt want you to think that he did anything with her because if a man says that he saw his ex it could make his previous gf uncomfortable.so maybe hes just did it for you.
i hope i helped
love and kisses
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (22 November 2007):
 You can never be sure if someone cheated until you have proof. I must say that he doesnt sound like he was being completely honest with you. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes not saying anything is lying. For one thing, is it the same ex he "bumped" into at the bar the one he wanted to call? After going to a bar and bumping into her he failed to mention it until you asked how he had a late night when you thought he went to bed early. Hmm. Im wondering, if you never questioned him, is it possible he would have never said anything? Good thing you got rid of him, sounds like he isnt an honest person.
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