A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi,found some cds with porn on it and a dvd porn movie in my boyfriends office, i told him i did not like him looking at it and i found it hurtful and an insult, i asked him why he looks at it and was it becuase i am ugly or if i am boring in bed and instead he kept going on about how the cd with porn on it was just a mixture of stuff that a friend gave him it did not just have porn on it, yet he said nothing on why he had a hired dvd , he said i was a flirt and i was up myself and told me to get over it. i am really confused, he told me he does not look at it yet it is very obvious he does, i was not mad at him or yelled at him i just wanted to know why he was looking at it? and i also checked the cd and it did have just porn on it, so why is he being so defensive and lying to me about this? guys can you help me out hear?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): Hi, i am the person who submited the original question, i just have to respond to A male reader, anonymous,(13 December 2005): Just like to say thanks for the advice i do understand his at his sexual peak and he has a higher sex drive which i do take in to consideration, i would also just like to point out i do not nag at him about this i have never told him that he cant do it anymore or to dispose of the porn, never once have i asked of him to do that, but this 1 time i expresed to him how it was making me feel as a women and and as a result he acted defensive about it and turn the hold situation around and called me names, i was hoping he would understand how i felt and may on his own terms would remove the porn from the house yet he still continues to look at it which makes me feel hurt and also makes me feel like he does not care or consider how it effects me. and the fact he looks at it when im not around on cds or the internet is hurtful but when he hangs half naked pics of girls around the house in the kitchen in the closet its very degrading and its embrassing too. i can now understand his not comparing me to the women in porn but it still realy hurts a persons feelings when u know the person who you love is off jacking off to other women and keeping it a big secret.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005):
All I can say is that I think you are turning this into a problem yourself.
Being attracted to a vareity of different womens body types is not a slam against you. It just means that he is at a sexual peak.
He is not almost certainly not judging you. I have yet to hear from any co-worker/friend a slam on their wifes/girlfriend based on their body. Or a comparission to a porns girls body. Whatever you women think is being discussed, I can tell you in my experience it is not.
What guys do complain about is when they get nagged in endless conversations about things thy cant/dont want to change. Consider that before you take advice from someone who is bitter herself....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005): Hi, its me , thanks everyone for the feed back, would still love more feed back, i am now feeling so depressed and hurt by this, its like i tried to talk to him about it and he turns the whole situation around and makes me look like the bad one, this is not the first time either in the past he put a calendar of half naked women in our kitchen and in the main area in which i would often cook, so i covered up the calendar everytime we had visitors or when i had to cook so he got mad about this and made me feel like i was a bad person for covering it up, yet i get so hurt when he looks at these images around the house or looks at porn and i find it so hard to beleave him when he says im beatiful, i feel like his lying to me because if he thinks im beautiful then why does he not have photos or pics of me stuck on his office wall or on his computer. there is not one photo of me in the house or on his computer and we have been living together for 1 1/2 years and dating for 2, can someone explain this kind of behavour? is he trying to make me feel like shit or make me jealous or someting i just dont know? all i do know is that i feel like im less a person because i dont look like a model, i have been going to gym so i can try get a nicer looking body hoping that he will then stop looking at porn and pics of naked models, i never use to have self image problems until all this started about 6 months ago. can some1 suggest why he might be doing this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005):
Porn doesnt mean that he is not into you.
It really, really doesnt.
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (12 December 2005):
whatever men say, it does upset girls to know they look at porn. it does make you question what's wrong with you even if you're the sexiest girl in the world. i honestly can't understand why men want porn if they have a girl who loves them. as i said to my man, i could understand if i'd lost interest but i hadn't. your bf is obviously lying to you. the thing is with men that they pretend to themselves that there's nothing wrong with porn but then, why lie about it if there's nothing wrong with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): no matter how much your man may cherish you, he will always have fantasies. This should be no reason for you to feel insecure. Men don't understand how porn makes some women feel objectified. Not to mention the average woman does not have DD silicon breast implants. He is probably afraid of what you will think if he is caught looking at porn. The insecurity and anger you are feeling is exactly what he is afraid of. It is obvious that it's his and he looks at it. Cut him some slack he is a man, men are biologically programmed with a high sex drive.
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