A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend is in real estate. He went to a closing with his female agent. even though she lives closer to the closing site, she drove back to the office to meet y boyfriend so they can go together. I had no problem with that but after the closing my boyfriend had errands to run and she accompanied him while they drove around for over 3 hrs. I didn't think this was appropriate. What is your opinion. He knew he had errands to run before hand and she could have taken her own car to the closing. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 I love that it's always an anonymous that tears a strip off of me. Try posting with a name.
The OP said they spent 3 hours on personal errands, NOT business!
I personally know of two relationships that started in carpooling, with co-workers, who just spent too much non-business time together, discussing things that they should have been discussing at home with their partner. I'm not a big believer in one-on-one friendships of the opposite sex from the office spending huge amounts of non-productive time OUTSIDE of the office. THREE HOURS? Business is one thing. The office can be quite a sexually charged place, and if you don't establish boundaries for personal behavior.
I would be TOTALLY pissed if my husband was following a colleague around while she was picking up packages and shopping. That's inappropriate and totally unprofessional. You should maintain a division between work 'socializing' and personal 'socializing'. Try this on for size, "Oh, Honey, I was just with Rheanna, She was picking up her lingerie and the furniture that she ordered for her new condo." Not kosher and no wife/partner should be put in position to sweat this. I love that all people like to think that we have all evolved past all of that random male/female magnetism and angst, but I am more than a little skeptical, from years of watching office romances shatter families.
A
female
reader, Tenacious +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I don't see the problem here if they were in public places, and there has been no hint of inappropriate behaviour in the past. If this is just random jealousy then I think the poster is the one with the problem. IF there has been valid reason for suspicion before, then all bets are off. My husband spends a loooot of time one on one with another woman in his job. He is a paramedic and his partner is a man, but often people trade out shifts and he works with a woman. They spend 16 waking hours together, and then sleep in the same building. They each have their own room and there are two teams there.(4 people). Buut if he wanted to cheat, the oppurtunity is there. Its something I could drive myself crazy thinking about. Or he could make me insecure about it. He doesn't and neither do I. He hasnt ever, ever given me a reason to.
If on the other hand, there were secret phone calls, odd texts, secretive looks...then I would feel different.
Tell us the rest of the story dear OP. What about this is making you uncomfortable?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I have indeed gone on errands with male friends in the past for extended periods of time. Especially if that errand takes us out of town or something. It's always nice to have company if you have to make a bit of a drive.
I think you're right Tisha. I think that this has been a point of contension in the past, and the OP is trying to sort out her end before moving further. I'm also curious as to the answers to the questions people have posted.
What say you OP?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Let me ask our OP and my fellow aunts this: if the accompanying agent was male, would this have been a problem? And would a male agent have driven around with her boyfriend doing errands for three hours? I'm genuinely curious about the answers people have for this one.
OP, obviously, you have a problem with him spending time alone with his female agent. Do you actually doubt that they did errands, or do you suspect they checked in and had a little fling in a no-tell motel?
Or are you objecting to him being alone in the company of a female co-worker or employee for 3 hours? You apparently don't trust him alone with her, and I suspect you've already had a fight about this with him. He doesn't see the problem and you are here trying to see if you do have a leg to stand on.
The doubt is there, that is very plain. So where does the doubt stem from? What has happened that makes you think there is something wrong, something a bit underhanded going on?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I respectfully disagree with birdynumnums.I'm a male, and I love running errands for three hours. I would much rather be out doing something instead of playing Halo. Furthermore, most men I know can tell when a woman is going after them. Please stop generalizing!I see no problem with what your boyfriend did. As previously stated, if he makes a habit of this then you should be concerned, but a once-in-a-while thing is no problem.Sometimes a person just likes to have company when shopping/going to the bank/mailing letters/etc. It's a good time to catch up with a friend while getting your necessary work done. If she's his coworker, they probably had business to discuss. Don't sweat it too much. Give him credit for telling you exactly what he was doing. If he were planning to cheat, he'd likely be withholding information from you.Of course, if you feel uncomfortable with his behavior you should speak with him. Just PLEASE be careful; don't sound confrontational. Be relaxed and let him know lightly that you were a little uncomfortable. It will hurt him if it comes across that you don't trust him. Still, I think it's always important in a relationship to share your honest feelings with your partner, even if it runs the risk of upsetting him. Just carefully consider how your words can be interpreted, and speak with him when you feel the time is right.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (28 September 2010):
It's a problem. Guys will not see that this is a wily female up to no good. You wouldn't be writing us if your 'spidey senses' weren't tingling and your woman's intuition has obviously kicked in!!!
ALSO, guys don't like running errands for 3 hours if they can turn that into 1 hour of errands and 2 hours of putting there feet up and playing "Halo" (insert computer game of choice here).
He shouldn't be letting an aggressive female commandeer his time, and if he's letting her, he's interested. You have my permission to kick his butt and have a big ol' fight about this.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 It really should not be a problem if you trust him.
If you suspect him of cheating then you need more proof before accusing him.
If he does these 3 hour drives too often or spends more time in his spare time with her than you then you may have reason to doubt but a one off should not really be cause for concern.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2010):
 If this is new behavior from the both of them I would think it was odd, if they hang out at work from time to time, I don't think I would worry.
I think your gut is telling you something?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 September 2010):
I don't really see a problem. Do you suspect him of cheating? If not, then he just had some company when he was doing these errands. Big deal. They are likely friends. If you trust him why would this be inappropriate?
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A
female
reader, tblondie1826 +, writes (28 September 2010):
You don't trust him. Confront him. But your relationship won't go further unless you both trust each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): In my generation, thats appropriate then again a lot of stuff is and it isnt AT ALL. I could see a little maybe jealousy here. Do you have a reason not to trust him? I e has he cheated in the past, any affairs? If you dont have a solid reason, Id say he's okay :)
Regards
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