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anonymous
writes: Dear agony aunt, Am I just being paranoid or is there some truth in what I'm feeling? Is he cheating on me? iI've been with me boyfriend for five months and everything was going really well up until a couple of weeks ago when he started to get distant with me. When I questioned him on this he said he was just stressed out with work and with the thourght of going on a fourth coming stag do. He apologised for his behaviour and things seemed to get back to normal, that was until he got back from the stag do. I rang him and asked if I could pick something up from his house and all he wanted to know was what time I'd be round. He asked me about four times!!!! I was there for about ten minutes then he said he was tired and needed to go to bed, it was half past eight in the evening. As I left he stood outside and watched me go, he has never done that. Please tell me: am I paranoid or is he cheating on me?? Please, please help. I'm going out of my mind. thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2005): Hate to say this...if it were me in your position...warning bells would be going off like crazy. That is very highly sneaky, unusual behaviour. I think he was trying to hide something. Sounds like your gut instinct was at work here...you know something is up but you can't "peg it". Go with your instinctive feelings and talk to him. It's likely he won't admit to anything wrong..but I figure he was hiding a woman in his place when you went over there. If it turns out he was with someone...he's not for you. If he can't come clean..then I would watch for more signs. The trust you felt for him has already been damagaed with this incident. Be prepared to move on and find someone who will treat you with the utmost respect love and regard.
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reader, Dr. Mephisto  +, writes (30 June 2005):
 Humm - another fairly easy one to answer. Do you want me to sugar coat this little jagged pill of truth I'm about to lay on you? No - excellent, you obviously stronger than that, naturally.You're being cheated on, you're being played, you're being hoodwinked, his tiredness didn't land on him, a cheap 'landed' landed on him. Paraphrased Malcolm X aside, it doesn't seem like paranoia. When a someone starts exhibiting unusual behavioural patterns in an extremely quick space of time, then it usually indicates a change in either their socialogical or psychological circumstances. Lets look at some of the key facts; he exhibits anxiety before a 'stag-do', and then the subsequent change in behaviour torwards yourself. It doesn't take my years of experience in investigative science to work this little gem out.Bottom line - you need to drop the dead weight. Question him in person - explain you suspicions and then wait for the response. Chances are he will at first attempt a pitiful bluff to convince you that you're suffering from paranoia, and then attempt to break up with you by getting you to dump him, thereby aleviating himself of the guilt of cheating. Or just simply have a knee-jerk reaction and kick his arse to the curb with no explanation.Best wishes and peace with the world.Dr. M
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reader, becky05 +, writes (30 June 2005):
I dont think that hes cheating on you, maybe he feels that things are getting more serious and he's not ready for this or, on the other hand, he may, as he says be tired with work and other things and feels that he needs a little time to himself. Ask him how he feels about your relationship and if he says everything's fine, I wouldn't worry.
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reader, Dr. Mephisto +, writes (30 June 2005):
well i dont think that you are being paranoid, call it womans intuition! the best thing to do is ask him if he feels everything is ok between the two of you? and try seeing him more, even pop around to hes house unexpected but if you continuosly keep getting the feeling that something is not right then just be honest with him, tell him how you feel, if hes a decent bloke he will put your mind at ease, if he love syou he will tell you the truth! good luck mate.
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