A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have always personally thought that age differences in relationships don’t really matter (within obvious parameters) as each person is individual and if you love someone then you love someone. However I have always considered the idea of dating someone very young a little strange for myself. I have an aquaintance who is 40 and dating a 20 year old for example. I guess deep down it seemed strange but they seem like a lovely, caring, mature couple.So today I went for a job interview at a bar. There were maybe around 20 others there for a group interview. I immediately felt very old as they were clearly mostly pretty young - around the 18-20 mark. We had our group interviews, I was with a girl and a guy and we had to do activities to test how we worked together I presume. I thought we all got on well and we were laughing and joking etc. it all felt very comfortable. The girl in the group was clearly younger than me but I assumed she was older than the rest. She seemed so in appearance and maturity. The 3 of us chatted afterwards for a bit and the guy went home. The girl was waiting for a lift so I stayed seated with her and we chatted for about an extra half an hour. I was surprised when I found out she was only 19! And she was apparently equally surprised to realise I was 35.I guess I hadn’t realised I was interested until I found out her age and was suddenly hit with the question of if it was even acceptable for me to be interested. But she was funny, interesting and mature so I wasn’t sure what to think. Her lift arrived so I walked outside with her and realised that either I would see her again at the job if we both got it or maybe not again if either or neither of us didn’t. I also had it in mind that it would be quite nice to have a contact for a prospective colleague even if nothing came of it. I am not someone to usually ask for numbers (I came out of a long relationship over a year ago but haven’t gotten back into dating yet) and am out of touch with how to do it but I thought I’d keep it safe and just asked if she had Facebook. She said that her computer was broken and couldn’t access it so I instantly knew she wasn’t interested. And that’s fine! No problem there. But with the ‘rejection’ came the subsequent moral dilemma. Was it wrong of me to ask her? Am I now the creepy old man!?!? Obviously I don’t want it to be awkward if we both get a job. Or am I just thinking too much about it? The other part of me thinks I just made a small effort to keep in contact with a girl I found interesting and attractive, I didn’t push the point, and it was potentially the only chance I’d get to do it (rather than letting opportunities go like I normally do).Curious as to what others think about my situation above and what they think about the topic in general?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2019): I don't think it's creepy at all. I'm 46 and met a beautiful, 25-year-old at a friend's pool party last summer. She and I ended up in a relationship for about 5 months. Eventually it didn't work out but that wasn't because of our ages. Unfortunately, I came to realize that while we had a lot of fun when socializing, and the sex was great, she was too immature for me to handle. She was extremely jealous (which was weird, because she was the one who had guys chasing her incessantly) and it got to be too much for me.
Anyway, I don't think a 10, 15, 20, 25, etc., age difference is a problem unless it's a problem for one or the other of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2019): I kinda think its sorta romantic no matter wot.Any guy talking or chatting me up is fun. I mean wot girl dont like that. If an older guy does it to me so wot, It makes you feel good and attractive and even if like wot happened to you she shot you down dont mean she wasnt flattered trust me. It can sometimes just be the time of the month as to how you deal with stuff for us, it can make us seem different people if you hit on us at the rong time, dont mean tho we dont like it. So just try talking to her again and see wot happens next.ok?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2019): I was 23 and in a relationship with a man twice my age. I believe that if the two of you agree to become a couple then that is fine and it dosent matter what people say. If you love one another then great go for it. Since that time I have found older guys are like way more caring tender loving and understanding. Probably cos they have been there and done that.Plus they know how to treat or spoil a girl and have learnt from previous mistakes. So I find it a win win relationship. Vicky
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2019): No sir, it wasn't wrong to ask. It would have been wrong to persist. It's more important that if you decide to romantically pursue teenagers in your 30's; it is very important to avoid coercion. Be ever-mindful of staying within the parameters of consensual.
I pickup on your rationalizations, citing examples of someone you know who's 40 dating a 20 year-old; and how mature the young lady you met seemed.
Let me say this. She will feel somewhat awkward working next to you knowing you may have an attraction for her. Some teens just don't like the idea of someone closer to the age of their parents to be asking for their number. Age may only be a number to you; but consider what the parents might think.
Does she think you're creepy? I'd say, more likely than not. Considering the circumstances under-which you met, and being in the midst of people more her own age.
I'd stay professional. You were there applying for a job. How did it turn into a single's-mingle? It started-out on the wrong foot. Now she may avoid employment there; if you get the job as well.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705  +, writes (9 February 2019):
 The issue of age difference, I think, depends on what you each are comfortable with. As people get older, the age difference doesn't matter as much, but maybe now it seems inappropriate or unusual because of how young she is. I would advise against pursuing anything with this person just for the fact that you may be working together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2019): As a woman around your age I’ll be honest and say yes I think it’s creepy . I’m sorry but it just seems all guys this age and up seem to be interested I in women half our age and think they are too good for women of equal age , their peers . Is their some reason other than firm tire and ass and her 19yr old face that your attracted to her ? Is it perhaps her varied views on
Life your common I retests that your thinking you’ll have ? That gives your a pretty clear answer as to whether it’s sleazy
You do realise youth is fleeting right ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2019):
 I think she was more surprised than anything. She (and you) were there for a job interview NOT for a group date or to pick up someone....
Having banter and a chit chat doesn't means she was interested in you at all.
So HAD she been me, I would have found you unprofessional rather than creepy.
And many 19 year old think someone at 35 is ancient, others don't.
I have an 18 year old daughter who go asked out on a date by a 24 year year old and she felt he was TOO old... so there is that.
So what then? Well, don't try and pick up women at job interview or your work place... it's unprofessional and can seem a little mercenary. as in, You took "ADVANTAGE" of the fact that she was being sociable and friendly during the interview.
Whether she thinks you are creep or not, well that is up to her, not much YOU can do to change that.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 February 2019):
 It’s possible she thinks that, who knows?
You thought she was a nice girl and you made you interest known. She politely declined, that’s the end of that. I don’t think it makes you a creep personally, you’re both legal and consenting adults.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 February 2019):
 Don't beat yourself up. You can't blame a guy for trying- at least as long as the guy "tries " in a polite, respectful,non-pushy way.Just like you did. You asked for further contact, she declined- you did not push the point.Fine ,then. End of story. If you both get the job- just keep things professional, and treat her civilly and cordially but just the same , not more, than you would treat any colleague , including males.
Does she think you are a creepy old man ? Probably not, but that's very individual . Some girls her age would not be fazed by a big age difference, some in fact , at least going by posts which Dear Cupid gets, are actually MORE attracted to older men than to boys their age. Yet many others would be, if not creeped out, annoyed, amazed or even amused by your interest. Try not to take it too personally- when you are 19, for most people anything over 29 is more or less the same, 35,... 40,...65 … it's all like a foreign land with weird customs and a different ò
language, it's just a strange " tribe " they don't want to mix up with.
Then again, if you get the job and keep things above board professional, who cares what she thinks ?!
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