A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Tomorrow will be a week since we last talked. My bf of 3 years, father of my 3 children, stopped talking to me unexpectedly. I am unsure why, though I suspect it could be because of a message from an old hs friend. The message was completely innocent and nothing more than a "how was your day" exchange. We do have trust issues. These issues led to me handing over my password to my social media and he could login at his own discretion. We live together. I'm a SAHM. I lead a very transparent life, or at least try to to help him feel secure. I know it's not perfect but I want to do what I can for our family. So hes mad. He hasn't talked for days. I try to talk to him, he walks away. We live separate lives in one house. Finally I broke down to my mom and to his grandpa. My mom reminds me of all that I put up with in our relationship, from his pill problem to another baby with someone else while we weren't together, and harrassment from her, to the constant surveillance and mistrust. His grandpa reminds me of our good times, what a provider he is, how proud he is of our kids and how he's told him how much he cares about me. But is it all really worth feeling isolated, stressed because he misses a lot of little things, and my own mistrust in him because of this other woman and their child. I expressed to his grandpa how I felt his treatment of me was textbook emotional/mental abuse, and he dismissed me. He told me all these really simple solutions, like going away together or just getting out of the house together more often. It makes me feel so crazy. I'm trying to hold it together taking care of our kids and maintaining some normality for them, while we get through this period. But like the government shutdown in early January, there was no hope for an end in sight. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2019): Silent treatment, just bang a pair of big earphones on with great music and drown his abusive presence out, he will soon notice that he can't reach you with his silence and bad energy. Certainly don't try and talk to him, this feeds him. You need to be strong and assertive without putting yourself or children at risk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2019): Sorry to be blunt, OP, but 3 kids in only 3 years with this guy? Wow, not a good idea. You clearly didn’t know him very well because he’s too immature and not right for you. If this mental abuse continues, you’ll have to leave.
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A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx  +, writes (8 February 2019):
 I have to agree that this is just childish, however I don’t agree that you should just leave him. I can understand the point that it may be his way of emotionally abusing you, however this behaviour normally happens throughout the relationship. Has he done this previously or is this the first time he has acted this way? Obviously your feelings are the most vital at this time, however being a mother I can understand your reserve to leave him. And this is completely understandable. If he is making it unbarable to live together ask him to stay somewhere else until he grows up enough to act like a full grown adult and talk through what his issues are. This is when you will really see what is going on inside of his head. However, as previously stated you need to consider your feelings here and if you keep bending over backwards to deal with his childishness he will only keep doing it thinking it is the way to get out of a situation or to stop you from doing things he doesn’t like. If this is the case then yes this is a form of abuse and it would be better for you to find someone else that treats you how you should be treated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2019): To add to the stress, I just discovered he has a supply of prescription meds, not registered to him, hidden. And I'm the bad guy in the story? One prescription is for his mom. The other for a local guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2019): As everyone has said, he is controlling, manipulative and abusive. The way he is treating you is not normal in an adult, loving relationship. And I agree with female anon who said that only YOU know what it is like to live with him and what your boundaries and deal breakers in a relationship are. Be your own person, set your own boundaries and deal breakers in a relationship. He is not making you happy is he? Bottom line. And the fact that he is showing clearly abusive behaviour which only ever gets worse, seals the decision for me. As you said it is classic abusive behaviour. I wouldn't let anyone, not even his grandfather, be dismissive about that. That's his grandson you're talking about so he will be biased in his favour. He doesn't want to believe that his grandson is capable of abuse. Some people only believe in, or understand abuse, if there are bruises to show. Not everyone can recognise emotional abuse and mental cruelty. You are experiencing abuse at the moment. Manipulative, coercive behaviour aimed at making you feel guilty and unhappy, until you behave exactly as he wants you to. Loving adults DISCUSS feelings and things that are bothering them with their partner. They don't act out like childish pricks, punishing and tormenting you until you toe the line. YOU KNOW that his behaviour is wrong and unfair. I sympathise with you. I've been there. And left. It's up to you what you want to do about him, because you and I bothknow, he ain't gonna change.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2019): Listen carefully my dear. This is mental abuse. I went through it with my ex partner. If I did anything or went anywhere without him then he would stop talking to me for months on end. After 2 serious illnesses, a break down and a suicidal kid, I left him.
This will only get worse and the effect on your kids will be monumental.
I bounced back to my old self quicker than I thought. Got my own place and now me and my daughter live a happy peaceful life.
Stop listening to everyone elses opinion. They don't live your life and they don't deal with what you deal with. Sometimes in life it's the things we fear the most that cripple us. You have to face this fear and get out of this situation.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
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