A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is this rape or attempted rape?I'm 18 years old now and when this first started i was 17 almost 18. Well my mom wanted me to get a job. so she asks her friend who i didn't really care for about letting me work for him. she has known this guy since i was lil (maybe 8 years now). He never used to hit on me or try anything until i started working for him. I ended up working for him and it was at his place cause his office got destoyed. I didn't think much of it cause he's my mom's friend. Well one day he started hitting on me. The first thing he did was rub my back and shoulders. i didn't think much of it. it was a bit weird but it got weirder as he lifted my shirt up and went under my bra. He ended up kissing me. i was freaked out. He also slapped my ass and called me sexy. i was disgusted and terrified. This kept happening for a while. i was too afraid to speak up. everytime i tried to talk nothing would come out. Things started getting worse as i got closer to being 18. He would come over to my moms house so they could go out to eat/drink and/or dance at a club. Well when they would come back and my mom went to her room to go to bed he came back and made sure my mom was asleep. he would try to get on me and feel me up. he also did this while i was trying to work. i know it sounds stupid but i tried to act like it was no big deal and laugh it off. i was too scared that if i resisted he would hurt me. he was twice my size in muscle and fat. i got drunk one night and i couldn't see straight and couldn't stand. to be honest it was really hard to move. he came over to me while i was slumped on the couch helplessly confused and spreads my legs wide open pinning my arms and legs so i couldn't move. i tried to speak but i couln't. i couldn't cry. i couln't shout. my head was spinning and i didn't know what was going on at the moment until he was trying to pull my pants down. idk how i finally got him off of me. i was stupid enough to get drunk again and something like this happened again. i was going through a lot and thought it would help my problems but it just created more problems. he fingered me one time when i was drunk and it felt good but i didn't want him doing it to me. I would try to get up to go to bed and he would drag me to bed and then end up laying right next to me. I knew he was there but i couldn't move. i felt paralized. i remember one night when i woke up with 2 hickeys on my boobs and i couldn't remember the night before. it ended up he was at my house the night before. i know it sounds stupid but i put up with this for 4 months straight. every time he calls my mom or texts me when he wants me for some reason or comes over i'm so scared its gonna happen again. it's been 3 months since the last time i've had to deal with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): i know its stupid. i actually thought he cared about me. all of u think im probably stupid but im still dealing with it. he stopped coming over after awhile and everything. i thought maybe my mom just wasn't gonna have him over anymore.... things got worse lately. i really realized that he doesn't care. i know that weve known him for years but the fact that he doesn't show any signs of care like he used to really opened my eyes. i used to keep thinking that since he still showed that he cared that he was still a good person at heart. but now... its different. hes not like he used to be. its bothering me so much. sometimes it makes me almost pass out because i can't stop thinking about what happened. i know all of u think im stupid for not doing anything about it but trust me there are reasons for why ive had to deal with this like this. its not the fact that i want attention or something. its the fact that there are so many things going on and it would cause so many more problems... it would add more stress and wouldn't help anything. yes he would get caught and he would stop abusing me like a toy but i have my mom to think about and so many other things. its just indescribable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Yes, sweetie. It can feel good. You are human and this is your body someone is toying with. BUT if you mean to say no, then say so. And insist that he stop and do whatever it takes to make him stop.
You were drunk and unable to walk away... but mostly make yourself say no. And act on it. He'll say what he wants to persuade you but if you don't want it (regardless of how it feels) you need to stop it.
Speak to a friend, and a grown up who will help you get out of this. The best is your mom but if you cannot do that you have to find an older aunt or cousin or friend's mom who is cool and will not be shocked but may handle things like an adult.
If you don't stop this now you will have years of issues in your head about sexual relationships and what they mean.
Saying no does not only mean uttering the word 'no' when someone does something to you, it means following it up with action that ensures that it does not happen again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): P.S. Sorry that I didn't mention this... when i was drunk and he was pushing me down that he was eating me out... i didn't want him to do it but it felt good. i said no over and over even before he got my pants off. i said it really quietly but i tried to speak as loud as i could. he also fingered me another time and made me cumm :(. when i said no he kept telling me that i'll enjoy it.. just relax... shhh... i didn't know what to do. i tried to fight all i could. but nothing worked. i know it's stupid to leave out details like that but when i wrote this my mind was all jumbled and shit.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (2 February 2010):
Why can't you tell your mother? Tell her and if she doesn't believe you then ask her to hide out and watch his behavior so she can see it for herself. What do you think you are doing allowing this to carry on? Speak up today.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): What does it matter what it is? You have described numerous instances of sexual contact and you keep saying that you are too scared to protest! You have been trying to laugh it off. This is persistent sexual harrassment and you need to take action to stop it.
One of the ways you do that is by saying no, firmly and letting him know that you have not consented to this.
You are saying you are too terrified to say anything -"nothing would come out". How does he know you don't welcome his advances? Speak up.
The other thing is not to get drunk around people you know you cannot trust.
Get another job and let your mom know that this man harrasses you.
If your mom does not get you, speak to a counsellor and let her know that you have a problem saying 'No'. Ask her for help in this step by step.
Yes, he's a bad guy. But you are not helping the situation or yourself by finding yourself in bed with him. What if sommeone else tries something, you need to be able to try to stop people from doing things to you that you don't want.
Say no!
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Okay, you said no. Then id go to the police as soon as possible and explain your situation to them. its imoprtant that you do this otherwise, the idiot may get worse.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (2 February 2010):
In criminal law, rape is an assault by a person involving sexual intercourse with another person without that person's consent.
Can you talk to your mom about this?
If not id go see a councellor at the local police station as soon as you can, ask to speak with a female officer, and tell them what you wrote here. If you really don't like this and he is intimidating you into it then its basically it. You did not consent, right?
I dont know what saying nothing means in a legal sense, but it could be taken the wrong way if you don't say anything, especially from a legal stand point. It would be worth getting some proper legal advice and support regarding this as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): p.s. i said no as loud as i couldn't but it barely came out. i said it over and over again hoping he would hear me and stop.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 February 2010):
Get the police involved. Immediately. Tell them everything you wrote here. Have a do not tresspass order put on him immediately. That's what the police can do for you right away. In the meantime, you will have to apply through the court for a full restraining order.
Tell your mom about what happened. She's your mother, and needs to be in your corner.
The police will be able to put you in touch with Social services and victim orginizations that can help you through this.
You are not alone.
Finally, do NOT under ANY circumstances let him, or anyone else make you feel one bit guilty about anything to do with this! You are a VICTIM, and did not invite this. He will try to say that if you had only told him to stop he would've, and people will try to tell you that if you got that drunk around him, you were asking for it. This is BULLSHIT. Don't you believe a word of it!
This may or not be "rape" in the classical sense of penile penetration, but frankly it doesn't make any real difference. It is sexual assault, it is wrong, and you don't have to put up with it.
Send this slimeball to jail. Rapists don't get treated very well by other inmates in jail...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): I think that that's attempted rape...because he was basically just hitting on you and trying to touch you.
If i were you i would get consueling about it if it upsets you that much. You should tell your mom and stay away from the guy...
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