A
female
age
41-50,
*tina356
writes:My boyfriend is broke. After working as a stock broker and earning a very high income, he began suffering medical issues from the stress and pressure of the job. He eventually quit this job so that he could improve his health and found something that is less stressful but less pay. The problem is that his child support is based upon his stock broker salary and the courts will not overturn it because he quit his job (law is written that you can't just quit a high paying job to take a lower paying job to prevent people from getting out of paying child support). Although he has made every effort to make his payments, he is now in arrears in child support. He is also living off of his credit cards which he has now maxed out. He still owes money on his Ivy League school loan. It is getting so bad that he's about to be evicted from his apartment. With his current job, it will take him about 15 years to turn things around at his current salary. Otherwise, he is a good father and a loving boyfriend. But his financial situation is a disaster. I care about him a lot because he treats me extremely well. But I also want a future with someone. I worry that he is emotionally unstable because he still suffers anxiety attacks and battles depression due to his financial situation. He takes a lot of medication to calm him down. He always tells me I have poor taste for being with him and that I could do much better. Although we are attracted to each other, have a great time together and do everything together, I am starting to wonder if I am crazy for enjoying the time that we spend together. I know I don't want to marry someone who is financially unstable because I don't want to take on anyone elses debt. Right now, I only want to worry about my own bills. Dealing with his anxiety and depression issues also scares me because I feel like I have to be strong all the time for his sake. But since he has made this comment to me, I can't help wonder if he is right. The problem is, I have dated a lot of guys and it's not that easy to find someone who you have a connection with. We have a great connection. So what do I do? If I stay, I have a wonderful companion who I will always live separately from. Or do I go and take the risk of trying to find that connection with someone who knows how to handle stress and their finances better?
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (3 February 2010):
 It would be wise to request all records from his doctors, documenting his illness and reasons for being unable to keep his former position. When he goes to court he will have a leg to stand on!
I wish you luck with your uphill battle!
~BG!
A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (3 February 2010):
Xtina356 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your feedback. I just wanted to clear up that he hasn't been a stock broker for 3 years and that I have only known him for the last 7 months. So I never knew him when he had his "prestigious career". I think he currently has a career and salary that most people would be proud to have. But it's a huge adjustment when you are used to a certain prestige, income and lifestyle. He told me that people respond to him much differently now.
I am teaching him how to shop and entertain on a budget. But we will also have to look into going to court to adjust his child support. His ex wife isn't sympathetic to his illness so it's going to be an uphill battle.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 ...but he didn't 'just quit' his job, ... he was suffering stress and medical issues. I would suggest he seeks some legal advice about re-applying to the court to have the child maintenance reduced on the grounds that he HAD to move to a lower paying and less stressful job because of the medical issues. If he can show some evidence of treatment, i think it is posible that a court would see it as a reasonable reason to accept he did not just quit for the hell of it and to adjust the payments in accordance with his current earnings.
Beyond that, I think it is rather sad that you are so materialistic that you are all happy with the man and his ivy league education ,and his high paying stockbroker job, ...no probs going on then right, ... but now he has some issues and is not rollling in money you are not only complaining about giving him emotional support, but also questioning whether you should bother with him anymore coz he has a financial problem.
Let's hope you are never down and out for reasons beyond your control and have to find out your partner is not really putting you as a person above all else. That would really suck - wouldn't it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): File for bankruptcy? I hear it can be a huge relief. He can then get a better paying job without so much stress on his mind.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Why doesn’t he go see a counsellor and then begin bankruptcy procedures? He obviously cannot handle too much of these stresses anymore. There are professional people out there who can help with this. When it is all finished he will be debt free and have the opportunity to start a new with you, although it may take a few months.
Secondly, true love defies all obstacles. Love is something very special and what you both have should never ever be determined by capitalism. Love is freedom!
No, dating someone financially unstable with stress and anxiety issues is worth it if you love each other. As you said yourself its because of the financial situation he is feeling stressed and anxiety. It’s a vicious loop. Plus it’s still a very tough time around the world for a lot of people after the financial crisis, so its not really his fault.
Try to get some professional financial advice. You might find its better than you think.
Good luck ;)
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A
female
reader, junebug81409 +, writes (2 February 2010):
Honey i understand where ur coming from.my husband and i went thru smilier thing.bout a yr and a half ago he lost his job and i had got laid off a yr before so things just went down hill and everyday just waking up was hard.we just stuck it out and things really did get better and on vday will be our 6month wedding ann. He found a job paying good and what im trying to say is if you guys r happy stick it out and things will get better.i know it feels like it wont but it will.more jobs will come with better pay but everyone is hurting now days.just dont kick him while he is down ya know?my heart goes out to u and ur bf.sorry if this didnt help but i hope it at least made some sense to u.good luck
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (2 February 2010):
If you have such a fantastic connection, then you can probably overcome the problems together. Were you with him because he a pristegious career, or because you love him?
I couldn't walk out on someone I loved due to financial problems. I couldn't imagine it. If you are not willing to accept him "for better or worse..." then maybe you should move on now. That connection will grow thin if you are both stressed out!
Good Luck!
~BG~
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