A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been thinking about this for a while and I need your help to find out what exactly what was going on. It's kind of long but I want to give you as accurate a picture as possible. So I had a coworker a few years back that I thought was cute but was never really interested in him... at first. He had a girlfriend and he seemed like he was in love with her.During the 2 years I worked there, it seemed like something changed between us. This guy, for no reason, would do things for me and when I asked him to do things he would say "sure, anything for you". Also he would go out of his way to talk to me and call me names like "sunshine". We worked different shifts and when I was coming into work, he'd be leaving but if I passed him without saying hello, he would find me and tease me about it. I remember that I would show him stupid stuff online and one time he placed his hand over mine and kept it there for a little longer than normal. He would also get really close to me and stare into my eyes for a little longer than normal.We would talk everyday about stupid stuff and when he learned that I was a Christian, he said that he should start going to church although he was a confessed agnostic more leaning towards atheism.What's more is that his friends at work would tease me and laugh when I came in and would even try to get me to talk to him about nothing. One of his friends even said that we were going to get married. I never paid any attention to any of these things since he had a serious longterm girlfriend who also worked at the job we did and we were coworkers.Eventually I quit the job and the last time I saw him, he gave me this look that I can only describe as a pleading look with his eyes asking me to stay. Also my last day of work he asked me if it was ok for him to keep in touch with me. I made a joke about it because I felt really uncomfortable since by this time I was having feelings for this guy and I didn't in any way want to affect him and his girlfriend's relationship.Here's where things get confusing to me. During those 2 years we never met outside of work. On several occasions I invited him and his girlfriend to hang out with me and friends but he always declined. When I had quit I emailed him an article I had found online about the stuff we always used to talk about and he emailed me back a month later from his work email address. I learned from a friend that he got married to his girlfriend and I admit that I felt a little sad but good that I didn't do anything to mess up the relationship. Now I'm engaged to a man I don't really want to be with and I can't stop thinking about what it was that happened between me and my coworker years ago. Any input would be greatly appreciated.Note: in no way am I going to try to contact my ex-coworker and try to get him to break up his marriage or even try to rekindle the friendship. I'm already resigned to my fate of being married to someone I can never really love. Thanks for reading and answering in advance.
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at work, christian, co-worker, crush, engaged, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (11 June 2011):
Please don't settle. Isn't it better to be alone and waiting for love than together with someone you don't love?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. I was just curious about what it might have been that my coworker was thinking. To answer your question Eyespy17, I'm marrying my fiance because we have a good friendly relationship but nothing more. I mean the sex is good and we have ok communication but I just can't feel any type of romantic love for him because of a whole lot of other issues we have. He tells me that I am his soulmate and I just feel like we are good friends. I know that I'm a horrible person for staying with him but I always thought that maybe if the issues get resolved then I could learn to love him romantically.
Then I realized that the issues will probably never be resolved on his part because whereas I am seeking help for my problems, he believes he is perfect and has no issues hence he doesn't seek any help so I know I`ll never love him the way I should and I don't want to break his heart by leaving him. So I`ll just settle.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Well, first off I'd like to say please don't marry someone you don't love. You say you're resigned to your fate, but obviously you aren't resigned if you're contemplating things that 'could have'/'would have'/'should have' happened with someone else.Secondly, there was more than likely somewhat of a crush there at least from the behavior you described. His friends poking fun at you about it? That's a definite sign that he probably felt something towards you and just never acted on those feelings. But of course, you must let bygones be bygones mostly because he is now married to someone else.Furthermore, I would like to say again don't resign yourself to being with someone you don't love. A loveless marriage will only result in a wandering eye on your part, ending in complete heartbreak for whoever you're with, either by you acting on feelings for someone else or becoming fed up with being without love. Don't set yourself up for doom, please. I'm sure you've thought it over a thousand times, but obviously being engaged and still wondering about this old coworker is a sign that you can't coop yourself up with whoever this is you're engaged to. It isn't fair to either of you.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (10 June 2011):
It may have just been a way for him to safely flirt and get attention outside of his relationship. It does sound like you guys had chemistry and he cared about you - but not enough to act or leave his girlfriend. I'd try to forget about him.
However - I think the more important issue here is that you say you are engaged to a man you could never love. Why?!? Financial reasons? Why would you marry someone you don't love? I think if you go forward with a loveless marriage you will always pine after other guys - especially those who pay you extra affection/attention.
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