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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: a guy im close to i couldnt stay around him as much as i use to because im inlove with him and he knows it. he says alot to keep me at reach like when i told him if he dont want to be with me just tell me, he says thats not it he just approachs people different..he flirts with me, would of slept with me the other night but yet wnt be my boyfriend but says he just takes things slow. but yet he wanted to have sex with me the other night! i told him icant keep on with this cause everytime we get closer it makes me care more and then hurt more when he dnt be strait with me. im tryn but its hard. he is a sweet guy but confusing i feel like he playn games with me. i wrote him a letter and told him that i cant take it and it hurts to be with him almost everyday but then he acts like he wants me then when i tell him how much i care he says things again to keep me there but not with me still. i told him if he dnt want me just tell me so i can let go! and that if me shown him how much i care is gettn me no where then i need to stay away from him because i dnt want to hurt more..i really am inlove with him. but now i think i messed up our friendship or whatevr we had cause its been almost 2wks and i havent heard a word from him..i text him the other nite and told him( he dnt have to say anything i just wanted him to knw i missed him!)i said that because i didnt want him to feel like he had to say something, i felt like if he had somethng to say he can talk when he wanted to but that txt was 4days ago..my question is should i leave him alone and just let go?? if i should i will because i dnt want to look more stupid then i already look.. but i do miss him so much because he was my closest friend and we had fun together and we spent almost everyday together for the past couple weeks til i wrote tthat letter..did i mess up, was i wrong? i just dnt knw what to do,say or think anymore..I just dnt want to mess up further..thank you to anyone who can shed some type of light on my situation..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 "Boys are very different to us girls and sometimes do have trouble showing how they feel. When they think they like someone they get scared and sometimes shut themselves off from that person this is because boys don't know how to deal with it all."
Well that's just a ridiculous stereotype. He's not scared, what on earth has he got to be scared of??
He's not scared of losing you as a potential girlfriend nor a friend clearly... Maybe one day he'll regret it, but not now... maybe never. Americanpatriot said the rest. Stick to no contact and don't bow to pressure to have sex.
Good-luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u much, seriously i really needed someone to talk to and help me because im tired, just tired of the thinkn and wondering. and yes it does help and both of u who answered this really made it easier for me to knw where to go from here, you've pointed out so much of what is really there. as i read i felt u knew him..lol thats just how onpoint u both were about how it was going between us.. i would sure love a mans point of view on this one too..racnal? calln on u..thanks ladies so much and i will get bak to what i love, i had stopped making music ever since but im a get bak to it and get bak to me..time will do the rest..
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A
female
reader, ImogenLD  +, writes (25 November 2010):
For starters NO you were not wrong to tell him how you feel the best way to deal with these situations is to be open and honest. Boys are very different to us girls and sometimes do have trouble showing how they feel. When they think they like someone they get scared and sometimes shut themselves off from that person this is because boys don't know how to deal with it all. Some boys are alot more scared of being hurt than girls and find it easier not to deal with whats going on. They don't see that by doing this how much they are hurting people. It's good you told him how you feel now give him some space and time by this i mean no texts no phone calls. If he is just scared and confussed he will soon realize what a mistake he has made pushing you away and will come running back. Howeever you must get yourself ready incase it turns out he is not scared and knows exactly what he is doing by keeping you hanging on. If this is the case I think it would be for the best to walk away you can't live your life waiting for someone who only wants you when it suits them. Sadly the only way your going to find out if he really likes you or not is to leave him for a bit if he really likes you he will come back and you will be together but be careful because he might come back because he missing you hanging on his every word not because he misses you if this is the case a week or two after he comes back to you he will start pushing you away again. If this happens leave him you don't want to get stuck in that routine of falling for him him pushing you away you moving on and him taking you back it won't stop till you stop it.
Hopes this helps
Imogen x
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A
female
reader, americanpatriot  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 This man doesn't want a commitment; he wants you when he feels like it. It sure looks like you've scared him away for right now, and you're going to have to back away and give him some space.
There is hope. A man wants a woman who needs him sometimes, but can still live without him when he's not there. It works the same way in reverse, too. You have to rediscover yourself, your identity. Sometimes when women fall in love, they leave themselves behind.
Whatever you were doing, whatever you were passionate about BEFORE him, or when you first met him, you've got to go back to doing that. I'm certain that now he just sees you as the woman in love with him, and not much else. Your hobbies, your career, and your faith (if you have one) need to become big priorities again.
If you talk to him again, talk about those things and how much they mean to you. That you're in LOVE with such and such else. Then you will be a lot more interesting to him and he will not feel so forced to make a commitment.
Then if he wants to go out, have fun together, but don't tell him you love him or miss him. Time is on your side; you want him to have to wonder all the time if you still feel the same. It's likely that he will even have to say it many times to you first before you earn the privilege to say it to him. I know that's not really fair, but he is a free-spirited man, evidently, and I think this is the only way to catch him.
I hope this helps you out. Good luck.
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