A
female
age
26-29,
*psidedown
writes:I have a problem. im 14 and in year 10. my boyfriends 15 and in year 11. we hang out alot and recently i have been going to his house more like in his room.My mum is out of town on a business trip in china and his mum and dad are on their 7th honeymoon so yesterday i went round after school and we went in his room. he was okay for a bit but then he started kissing me and sticking his tongue down my throat which i know is gross but i dont mind. that wasnt the problem the problem was he was getting a bit to touchy feely. he unbuttoned my top and un-zipped my skirt so i was in my underwear. i should have stopped him then but i didnt then we carried on snogging for a bit and i unnbuttoned his shirt to and took his pants off but i realised i didnt want to have sex with him and told him to stop. he didnt but i said it again louder and he looked annoyed. he hasnt talked to me since because i just got dressed and went. i feel bad. is it my fault what did i do wrong ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): I'd say the a couple of these answers are not quite fair to the guy, who is probably a bit confused about what happened. While you aren't wrong to stop if you realize that you're not comfortable with what's happening, you might do well to understand that this was probably very frustrating and seen as seriously mixed signals. I'd say you did the right thing, but that it might be nice and diplomatic to be (just a little) apologetic and explain that you thought you were okay with what was going on, but realized you're not and that you hope he understands.If you give him (perhaps unintentionally) indications that you're okay with or want what's happening and then suddenly say stop (he should have stopped the first time you said it and asked you what's up), it could give the impression, at least to some, that you're just messing with his head or trying to be hurtful or that he wasn't very good. Guys are not psychic, and frankly most of us become a bit stupid when we're sexually excited. A very brief explanation would probably clear things up quite well. An apologetic tone for any misunderstanding or mixed signals (*but not for your actions, which were absolutely fine*) might help your explanation be better received.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 No your boyfriend was being a pushy jerk. You did the right thing (sex at your age is illegal, and for a reason). He doesn't sound like a respectful boyfriend, when you tried to stop him the first time he needs to listen immediately, not force you to be assertive. It isn't your responsibility to be heard clearer, it's his responsibility to respect your boundaries and wishes. He wasn't not hearing you, he purposefully ignored you in the hopes that he could keep going without you stopping him (which is legally rape if he did without your explicit consent). From your description it sounds like you're better off without this guy. He seems pushy and disrespectful of your boundaries.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 April 2011):
 sweetheart, you did absolutely NOTHING wrong. you respect yourself. that's a wonderful thing. know your boundries when it comes to messing around with boys. and if any guy you're ever with doesn't respect those boundries, you need to end that relationship. don't ever do anything you're uncomfortable with. hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 You did nothing wrong, its good that you knew you didn't want to go any farther. These things do tend to happen so don't feel bad. He will be upset, my suggestion to you is that if he apoligizes to you and shows that he cares that you wanted to wait then I would give him a chance. If he seriously thinks it is your fault then he's not the right one for you.
He has the right to be upset for a bit just because he did get his hopes up and then it didn't work in his favour because we are only human. A good guy will admit he was wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): you weren't wrong! noo don't ever think that!! your only 14 and if he likes you that much he'll wait, he's probably just a little frustrated, he is a boy and in grade 11 so he is a bit pushing for sex, but don't ever compromise if your not ready, maybe you should talk to him and tell him your just not ready yet and explain why even and ask him if he'd like to say anything that might calm him down and get him to realize things and not be so angry with you, in the future just don't do things to lead him on to so closeness of having sex because at that point he'll really want to so just keep it to a minimum with your clothes on. hope everything works out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): You did absolutely the right thing! You stopped him when you were outwith your comfort zone (its about respect for each other) and its against the law for you guys to be having sex anyway. I'd stay away from him, or talk to him about it in an assertive way. Good luck :)
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