A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help to see if i am over reacting. I have lived off and on with my fiance for over three years. We broke up a year ago because he had some anger issues. He got help and three months ago i allowed him to move back in with me. Things have been pretty good. He suggested I add him to my account so we could pool our money and pay bills. Well i added him to the account but so far he hasn't paid any bills. He DOES pay for the things we do when we go out and he is pretty generous, but i feel like he feels like he is doing me a favor when he pays for things or buys me things. I would rather him just split the bills with me. Anyway, he wanted to go to Vegas last weekend and i said ok but that i was broke and needed to pay my car payment. He offered to pay it and gave me $500...great! :) First time he has helped with a bill AND he was paying for the vacation. Well we got there, he paid for everything, but he was losing his butt gambling. I knew it but didn't say anything because it is his money and he can spend it how he wants (he makes about triple what i do so i figured he could afford it....). Come to find out he took the money he had given me for the car payment out of the account. He didn't tell me. He didn't ask me (he knew i would NOT say ok to spending bill money on gambling). And now he is saying i have no right to be upset because it was the money HE gave me to begin with? Huh? I feel like he was less than honest. Am i crazy??
View related questions:
broke up, fiance, gambling, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses:) I always doubt myself when I get angry. He is currently not speking to me until I apologize to him. He didn't care for my reaction to his taking the money. He is not good with money, but his father funds his over expenditures so he just does what he wants. I have paid the bills but I feel guilty because I don't exactly say no to him when he spends his money on me. But I pay the bills and make sure things get paid on time and I feel like he violated some trust with me. He says I am being delusional and ridiculous. What I am is mad! :(
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I agree with you, you have every right to be upset.
It sounds like your boyfriend is very impulsive and has issues with self-control and common sense. When it comes to gambling sanely, you use money you can afford to lose. Gambling away your car payment (or money allocated to a car payment) is a recipe for financial disaster. I think he is rationalizing his poor luck and judgment while having gambling fever in Las Vegas.
Before you marry this man, I hope you take a good, hard look to see if he is marriage material. Is he competent with finances (money is often the primary cause of marital problems)? Does he have good judgment? Is he in control of his impulses? Does he follow through on commitments?
Only you can answer those questions, but just from your post, I sense that there is more going on with your relationship than you think. The question is, have you seen enough red flags to stop this one before it is too late?
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): i would be pretty mad also, i'm thinking he's developing a gambling problem or already has on i wouldn't trust him if he took money out of the account that he gave me defiantly get SEPARATE accounts just so this doesn't happen again and next time with your hard earned money!hope things work out!
...............................
|
