A
female
age
41-50,
*wydion
writes:Hi, I would really appreciate advice on my situation. It's difficult to be objective at the moment. I went for a first date with a guy I met online (dating site), we'd only exchanged few emails, it wasn't anything special but I still decided to meet him.The date started okay but developed rapidly and quite intensely. I knew I crushed on him then. I'm a fairly reserved and cautious person, so I was feeling very confused and a little wary, as I was afraid of being taken advantage of. He seemed to have a similar reaction, from lukewarm to quite a s strong interest. We both ended up cancelling our later plans to go for dinner together.This is where it went abit wrong. He had been drinking wine whilst chatting and had about 6 glasses. (I don't drink.) I'm pretty sure he was slightly tipsy at the least. On the way to the restaurant, he suddenly grabbed and kissed me. It spooked me and I pushed him away, telling him he was going too fast. During dinner, he was very lovery dovey, and asked for a kiss, to which I gave the same reply.Walking me to the cab after, he grabbed me really tightly, though he didn't outright kiss, he obviously wanted to be kissed. I told him frankly he was too fast for a first date and that he was drunk. I gave him a kiss on the cheek in goodbye. To be honest, I did really want him as well, but I was feeling very skittish and wanted some space to think.2 days after, I sent him an email, saying I enjoyed his company but I felt uncomfortable with his advances, and that he was drunk. No reply from him. Several days after, I cooled down, I felt I overreacted a little, so I called (no answer) and wrote, explaining why I pushed him away and that I'd have liked to see him again. Again no reply, so I left it and moved on.2 weeks after my last message, he calls (he sounded very nervous), and invites me to dinner, saying he'd like to explain his past behaviour. I agreed. (I found out after that the original date he wanted was his birthday, I'd changed the date to suit my schedule.). But on the morning, he cancels by text (last minute work meeting). I replied asking him to call if he still wants to explain. He never called or contacted me on the day. I was going to leave it alone.Unfortunately I was too emotional and impulsive. I called him the next day, but he didn't answer. I left a text message, saying I don't like games and that if he honestly wants to talk, to call me that weekend, if not, to not contact me again. Needless to say, he didn't call.I feel I was little harsh on him. My dilemma now is whether I should really just try to move on, or try to reach out to him (sooner or later). I would like to see if we can have a chance, it was only 1 date after all. And it seems more a comedy of errors than game playing on either of our parts. But I'm also afraid reaching out may drive him away or be thought of as desperate.Any advice appreciated!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gwydion +, writes (13 December 2011):
Gwydion is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice!
To diamondshards: He was quite tipsy but I don't think he was trying for a quick and easy romp, though I agree he did try his luck with the kisses. I felt my messages to him after he cancelled the date were quite harsh in that they were demanding; he had to call, I gave him a deadline etc, and we'd only met once. But your points are valid as well. I just don't know if it's bad communication all around.
To jonas: (Hi I'm from Singapore too! And it's a sg guy in question...) I agree he comes across as hot and cold, but in retrospect, I think I come across exactly the same way, especially with my last few messages. I was pulling and pushing as well. That's why I was thinking of reaching out, and stating plainly that I want to see him again. But the general consensus seems to be let him make the next move?
I will stay careful, I only want to give this a chance so I can know if a relationship is viable or not.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 I think that THIS is the most important phrase in your submittal: "....I left a text message, saying I don't like games...."
Now, since you've SAID that, how about LIVING UP TO IT??? .... and STOP playing HIS game????? He has you pursuing him... and that gives him all the power a guy could need or want.
You can do MUCH better than hang with (or pursue!) the guy you've described in this submittal....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (13 December 2011):
Let me see if I got this right:
-he grabbed you and kissed you and even if you pushed him away, he kept asking for you to kiss him and/or hinting at a kiss afterwards all the same.
-he ignored several calls and messages from you.
-he cancelled your date and not only didn't care to explain his behaviour, but proceeded to ignore more calls and texts from you.
And you feel like you were the harsh one? This guy did not respect your wishes to take it slow, is a flake and doesn't even have the decency of picking up your calls- personally I think he's better lost than found. {I think he could have been looking for an easy lay and once he got you weren't into that, he lost interest}. Don't contact him any more, even if it's hard to, and look for someone at least decent instead. Any further interaction with this guy is likely to bring you pain.
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