A
female
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anonymous
writes:Was I love bombed?So I've known this guy for the past 5 years. He lives in another state and we only see each other every other year. We were fwb and he was never very affectionate towards me, but during our recent encounter, he was showering me with gifts, attention and non-sexual physical touch the whole time. He invited me to spend the holidays with his family, who we spent a couple days with two years ago, but always referred to me as his friend. He called me his friend this time, but was always cuddling me and holding my hand in front of them. After a few days I started to fall hard because he told me everything I wanted to hear. Before I left, he mentioned marriage and wanting to have me to himself, which helped me make the decision to go because I started developing feelings when we went away on vacation the time before. I ended up getting covid so I had to leave, but before I did he asked me if I knew that we weren't exclusive, which completely threw me off guard. I just agreed and left, but it really hurt that he was so into me and talking about future plans just to tell me I'm basically not enough for him. He text me when I got home and said he'd miss me, but I haven't heard from him since. I shouldn't be surprised, but what the heck just happened?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 December 2021):
 I suspect one of his other women probably dumped him unexpectedly and he used you as a comfort blanket. However, he swiftly got cold feet, so had to put you "in your place", so to speak, by telling you that you were not the only woman in his life.
You need to decide whether the occasional crumbs he throws you are enough for you. I suspect they are not. While you are wasting your emotional energy on him, you are not free to move on and find someone who can offer you what you deserve.
If someone tells you you are not enough for them, believe them. Move on and find yourself someone who is prepared to offer you more. You can do better and you deserve better.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2021):
 Ok this has been going on for 5 years and nothing "good" has come of it, plus you found out that you are just "one of many" women in his life.
So, you have to decide, is THIS what I want or not?
My guess is that you want something "real". He isn't it. He is fantasy. You are entertainment.
Personally, I think you need to pull the plug on this. You can't just go by what he says, you HAVE to look at his actions too - and let's face it words are cheap.
If you want a partner in life, HE isn't it. (unless you want one that will not be faithful to you, doesn't really respect you, and who plays mind games with you.)
Wish him well, end it, cut all contact, BLOCK all contact, delete all contact, and MOVE on. Find someone closer to where you live. So you can DATE someone you can spend time IN PERSON with.
LDRs only work if BOTH people want the same thing and are working towards the common goal of BEING together.
You know he is fake. What he says is fake.
And you DO deserve more and better.
Good luck and the Best to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2021): "I shouldn't be surprised, but what the heck just happened?"
What typically happens in a FWB situation. You eventually wake-up!
You'll get all juiced-up and showered in sappy sweettalk; then a ton of bricks are dumped on you.
You were just being primed and canoodled to make sure you keep the honeypot open during his dry spells. He had to throw you the bait, get you hooked; and then reel you in.
My suspicion is, he was also hinting at the prospect of nothing more than an open-relationship; or maybe a threesome somewhere down the road. The test is, first to see how infatuated and smitten you are? Then to determine how vulnerable (or desperate) you are to be manipulated? It's how the game is played, and not everybody is cutout for it. It's also a great tool used by narcissists!
In essence, girlfriend, you got played! You're good enough to boink, but not good enough to be his beloved and committed-girlfriend. That wasn't a cut made against you; it was meant as a slight against HIS character!!! He's a tool and a piece of work!!!
The main rule behind FWB is to form no attachments. You're the one who broke that rule. You've let-on that you're really attached; and now the cat's out of the bag! He just played you for a sucker!
You're right not to be surprised. Players need a harem, and they have to sugar you up to keep you pliable and interested. He knows you're going to need something real and substantive in your life sooner or later; and his honey supply will be shutoff. His ego also entitles him to have you, Lottie, Dottie, and anybody he wants when he's horny.
So, what-cha gonna do bout-it?!!
I think you should seal the top on your honeypot, and go find yourself somebody who really loves you. You're prime for players, because you let him use you without fear of commitment. He now knows how much you want him; and probably thinks you're willing to settle for the crumbs he throws you, rather than a full-blown committed-relationship. With all the trimmings!
Nothing happens unless you allow it, my dear. You've been playing the game by his rules all this time. I'd snatch my dolls and dishes, and go find myself another playhouse and tea party. He doesn't play fair! Kick his balls to the street!
I hope you'll find something better than this mess. You should trust yourself, and believe that you deserve better.
It's about to be a new year, and it's time to clean house.
Have a safe and Happy New Year, my dear!
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