A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I hope I can get a few answers or reasoning from people who read this as it's come to the point where its on my mind too many points during the day. I have exams in a month and I just want to not think about it anymore. Not sure how to start this but will just ask this simple question: Why is it that when someone asks to go out with you and start a relationship and then turn around a month and a half later and ends it over a text!!?? I'm a guy aged 22 and although I shouldn't be too hard on myself about this, I am because I'm just sick of disappointments when it comes to relationships. This was my third relationship, but they have all concluded the same. They last for 2-3 months and I'm the one left in an emotional mess. I'm only starting to get to know someone when bang, it ends with the click of a finger. Don't get why this keeps happening to me!A girl in my class asked me out back in February, I couldn't have been happier because I really liked her myself, but was reluctant to ask her before she asked me because of past experiences but I shouldn't have let that get in the way. She was so different from the other 2 girls that I had gone out with, and I felt sure that this time a relationship was going really well for me. We really enjoyed each others company and everything was going really well, until I was walking home for my bus from college when I got the text.Now, when I got it, my mind just froze because I didn't understand why I was getting the text in the first place and it was sort of like deja vu for me. Then all the emotions just poured out. I was angry, frustrated, and down right pissed off that with everything we said to each other over the time we were going out, that she had the lowest form of respect towards me. It completely contradicted everything she said to me! I was upset that she couldn't come to me and just say it face to face.The most hurtful part of this whole thing is it came out of no where and it hit me hard in the chest because, for the first time, I thought something was going really well for me and I was really liking this person because she made me feel wanted. Her reason for breaking up with me was because of her previous relationship which lasted around 2 years. She said she needed time for herself and that she didn't have the energy to meet up and do the things that build up a relationship. I have never been in a 2 year relationship so I don't know what emotions etc someone would be going through. But if she wasn't 100% committed to another relationship, why did she ask me out in the first place and then let go as if it doesn't matter, sure it was only a month and a half? I really don't get it and I think thats whats going over my mind so much! What I would like to know most though, from people who respond to this is, should I move on or should I wait a little while to see if she comes around? I really do like her and I miss her but as my best friend said to me; she dumped you with no consideration for yourself, so the ball is in her court. If she really liked spending time with you, you should know soon enough whether what she said was true, or she was just using you as a comfort blanket.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry everyone, it took me a while to respond back to you all and thanks for replying to me. Very much appreciated :) Will reply to each post below.
@ guillaume: Yeah, I agree with everything you said there. I think I was just very bitter about the whole situation, as I didn't know what the reason was until 4 days after she broke up with me. I think the whole texting thing as well through me off, as its the first time someone has done that to me. But I did understand where she was coming from in the end, and you know, I just have to respect her decision and try and get on with things!
@ Minnie10: Yeah, can see where your coming from. I was bitter about it because of the way things went down. The good thing is we are still talking to each other, although things were a bit awkward when we seen each other in class on Monday. Hadn't seen her since the day we broke up. But I guess its understandable and hopefully things will get better. :)
@ aphexinfinite: Totally agree with you. I was in a rebound relationship and have to accept that and move on. Yeah the texting thing wasn't good on her part, I think thats what annoyed me most about the whole thing. But sure what happened, happened, so just got to get on with it, get the exams out of the way and look forward to a great summer! :D
@ mizz.butterflies: Yeah, I was well over my ex before I met her, so I was fully committed to her. No, I would hold a grudge against her, because that would be a childish thing to do. She told me her reasonings and I respect them. Its just frustrating for me because your only getting to know the person when your essentially back to square one again! She knows though the ball is in her court, so whether she wants to give it another go, its in her own interests because she knows how I feel about her. I am a strong person, its just when these sort of things keep going against you, it is going to hurt your pride and self esteem.
@ Xearo: Yeah you make some valid points there. Best thing is to just keep a level head and get on with life. I think just staying single and enjoying life I'd be better off for the time being, as these things really do take a lot out of you! But if she does come around, I would have no problem giving it another shot :)
@ empop: Yep, everything you said there is very true. And I completely agree with you about the whole resentment problem. I think I rushed into things after the breakup and its something I apologized to her for, which she fully accepted and understood. I was very bitter towards her, laying the blame on her, when instead I should have taken a step back, and had a cool head. I didn't wait patiently for her to tell me what the breakup was all about. But you know I have learned something from my mistake, and I hope I don't rush to conclusions as fast, if and when the next time comes. I am a very compassionate person, and everyone that knows me always say to me, that its a very important part of my personality. Its good to know that you are recognized for something like that. :)
@ anonymous: Yeah I realize I wasn't a comfort blanket. I rushed to conclusions there. As I have said above to one of the posters, I fully understand what she is going through, and as you said, long term relationships can be very difficult to get over. To be honest, I was only thinking more of myself and not her, and thats another thing that I have learned. I wasn't the compassionate person I should have been. But yeah we are still talking and of course we are still friends. If she comes around, all well and good, would be delighted to give it another shot. But if she doesn't then you just got to move on and just enjoy life. Who knows what will happen in the future :)
A
female
reader, Minnie10 +, writes (19 April 2010):
It sounds like this girl might have a lot in common with you, if you've both been burned before.It sounds like this girl was afraid of getting too close to another person. Maybe her last relationship really took it out of her. Try to arrange to meet this girl, even just as friends at least.She may be feeling naive so you should be able to relate to it.Perhaps maybe you were both being over cautious, beware of this as it can eventually mask your character, even make things appear too rosey.I hope what i said helps.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 i think perhaps she wasnt fully over her last relationship and oposed to letting this drag on she ended perhaps she ddnt want to but needed to. i think you need to find someone who is right for you and respects you as much as you respect them with none old baggage. alot of us want to get back in the saddle so to speak but we all need time for our hearts to mend.. thats when things go wrong and you can get rebound guy and perhaps she thought that is what was happening or perhaps she really does need time. i would focus on you right now and your life get yourself back on top form and finish your exams then if the right lady comes along then its all good. but i wouldnt worry about this and since she ddnt tell it to your face really not respectful! good luck hunnie keep your chin up and just think their are lots of people in the same boat so your not alone when you feel like that,. aphex xx
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 She probably wanted to test waters with you,see if she's over your ex. Don't hold a grudge against her. tell her you understand and the ball is in her court. Don't make more comments. If she liked spending time with you,she'll come around.
dont feel dissappointed.from your post,i sensed something..u dont appear to be "mucho".Girls want strong men. U need to stop thinkin about past relationships and start being a hunter than be a prey.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Your best fiend is right, listen to him/her.
I wish I had a long drawn out explanation for you but, you were just a rebound relationship. It's not that she was lying or so but she's come to a point where she just needs to decide for herself if she is ready and if she wants you. Yes it hurts, and I assure you that many of us have been there.
Sucks this is happening now but those are the risks we choose when engaging in relationships. You can wait for her but if you do see another girl you like, you shouldn't hesitate.
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A
female
reader, empop +, writes (18 April 2010):
So, people have issues. All people - girls, guys, me, and you - but some people have them worse than others.It sounds to me like she liked you, but she's not in a place to start dating right now. Perhaps she thought she was when she asked you out, but old emotions flared up when things actually started. Try not to take it personally - when people are young, they take their issues out on each other because they don't know any better.However, there's something else I think I need to address. You mention that you have a lot of anger from pervious failed relationships - you need to think about that. One thing that I've concluded from all my relationships, is that just about all guys feel like they've been rejected a lot, and they carry this resentment and push it off onto the women that they date. Being on the other end of that can be very painful. Women do the same thing, and then everyone starts carrying around even more bitterness and it's a mess.Perhaps she picked up on some of this bitterness from you, and it reminded her of other times she'd been hurt, so she ran. To be good at dating, you have to learn to feel compassion for the people you date - accept that they are human, accept that they are going to do stupid things - and care about them anyway. It's an extremely hard thing to do (which is why so few people do it) but if you succeed at it, people will find you wonderful to be with.Oh, as a way of working through anger, look to things like working out and lifting as a good way of redirecting it. Some of the most level headed guys I know are the ones I do jiu-jitsu with - repressing it never works, but redirecting it can get good results. Take care of yourself, and good luck with exams!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): I dont think you were just a comfort blanket to her. Long term relationships can be very difficult to get over. Personally, i think she may have thought she was ready to move on, but soon realized that she couldn't enter a serious relationship yet. If you really like her, remain her friend if you can. That way if/when she feels ready, maybe the door is still open for the two of you.
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