| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm getting married in less than 2 months to a wonderful man. We've been together for almost 3 years, been engaged for 2. Up until 2 weeks ago I was blissfully happy, then my self destructive behaviour got the best of me. I dated a man for 2 weeks right before meeting my fiance. This man was everything I wanted but he lived in a different city and had just broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years so we both decided that it wasn't meant to be. He went back to his ex (that he left shortly after) and I went on with my life.I've never stopped thinking about him and he's written to me a couple of times over the years. So on a conference in his city I decided to meet up with him. I had no intentions, simply wanted to be able to start my marriage with complete commitment and felt that I needed closure with this man to be able to do that...hoping to see him and realize that he was a loser. Unfortunately that wasnt' the case. He was more that I ever wanted and now I'm considering leaving my fiance. What should I do?
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): It sucks doesnt it? I think this boils down to closure. Some people need it some dont. Thats okay. I think many peoples relationships are one sided. You loved him, did he really actually care for you? Do you need to find out to feel peace in your heart? I do. Im going thru the same thing. Ive analyzed my situation to death with no resolution. I think hes the only one that can give me that. Im hoping he will if he ever cared about me as a person or just out of respect for me. I knew this guy for 6 years platonically, then we had about 6 months as lovers..he ended it just like that..no reason..stopped calling, ignored me. In time...maybe guilt or the feeling that maybe he made a mistake..drove him to call me for 14 years even after he married and had a family. Our conversations were brief and polite..you know..how are you. My heart was breaking inside but I never let him know that until 6 years ago. I asked him..why do you keep calling me? He finally asked me...if what we had was real. I was flabbergasted. I thought...how could he not know how I have felt all this time? I was shocked and hurt...and now I think..you know this is not about me..its about him. I told him yes it was real..asked him..how bout his feelings..he said yes...I cared..I said why did you break it off and with no regard...he said...I had nothing to offer you. It was easier to just shut the door. I just saw him at my 20 year reunion...his trophy wife in tow..but caught him staring at me constantly..standing near me..trying to talk to me...his wife on the other side of the room flirting with every man she could find. Its very confusing for me because..Im with a great guy of 5.5 years who treats me like a queen. I think I need closure. I had more questions 6 years ago..that I didnt ask. I just tried to blow it off. I think its healthy to talk to old flames and get answers...as long as thats the agenda. You are not alone.
J
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
If you are really in love with your fiancee than NOBODY can tempt you into leaving him.I understand your need to meet with this other man, because you sought closure, but now you are confused & full of doubt.For those reasons, it would not be fair to your fiancee for you to enter into a relationship with him based on only giving him PART of your heart...he deserves all of you.I would be honest with your financee...it will hurt him, but it's better for a bit of pain now, than a nasty affair in the future, which would shatter his heart.Alot of people say, "follow your heart."I do not totally agree with that cliche.My belief is "follow your heart AND your head." Use your common sense, sweetie.Our hearts can be fickle & self-destructive.This man you speak of from out of town...he KNOWS you are engaged to be married, but yet he pursues you....Why?If he REALLY respected you, he would honour your commitment to another man.The way I see it, he is treading on another man's territory.If you broke up with your financee then the other man has a right to pursue you.You need to ask yourself what you are REALLY looking for in a life mate.If your financee meets those requirements...then end it with this other man...you don't know him very well...you have not spent 3 years with him...right now he makes your heart flutter, but your fiancee did that once too, right?Commit yourself to re-kindling the fire & passion with your fiancee or do the right thing...end it & move on.All the best,
...............................
A
female
reader, sickofitkelly +, writes (5 July 2005):
Get over yourself and stay with your fiance! This man who you think is so perfect is definitely not. You have been with your fiance for 3 years, that is too much to throw away over a 2 week fling with some guy who doesnt even live in your town.
...............................
A
male
reader, Bubbles +, writes (4 July 2005):
You will always have strong feelings for past loves, this is something you may need to simply accept. I still care deeply for past girlfriends and have myself considered getting back together.But I think the larger issue here is your relationship with your fiance. Might it be possible that you are having cold feet about marrying this person? Was seeking out your ex a way of creating an excuse? I think these are the more important questions, and you need to decide how you feel about your fiance before thinking about your ex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2005): WOW!! this is a hard one... I personally think that this is a test of your relationship with your fiance... the question is ...is do you love him and want to be with him for the rest of your life? or do you love this other man? i think that it would be best if you tell your fiance and be honest... but you also have to think about what YOU want.. its going to be hard but youre gonna have to do it.. good luck
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (4 July 2005):
I know it sounds cruel but if you feel this way you cant love your fiance enough to get married. Consider postponing the wedding. it wouldnt be fair to marry this man and then leave him shortly after, realising you had made a mistake. You dont sound ready for commitment.
...............................
|
