A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 12 months. He had already applied for an Australian visa when I met him or so I thought - but actually made the final part of his application during our relationship without telling me. Now his vis approval has come through and he wants to get out there asap. He has said he wants me to come out with him but has not given proper thought to the fact I do not have enough points to get a working visa. I would have to apply for a partner visa after one year living out there with him (and not able to work) or get a student visa and pay for an expensive course. He said he would 'understand' if it was all too much but be gutted. I don't know what to think of this attitude. Part of me feels like he has just used me to bide his time and then I can 'take it or leave it' regarding Australia. I have been there once and I liked it but its not the land of milk and honey - it has its faults just like the UK - some things are better some things are not as good. I am bothered that if someone is prepared to go with or without me they can't think that much of me - what do other people think? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 This is a two way street.
You always knew what his plans were. You know what you have to do to join him. He seems to want you to come along with him.
At the same time I can see how you don't like the fact he's willing to go without you. You feel as if the adventure is more important than the relationship.
He could also say that if you're not willing to go with him that you don't think that much of him. Do you see what I mean? If he goes, he's putting the move ahead of you. If you don't go, you're putting your choice ahead of him.
It sounds as though he is giving you a way out of the relaionship so I do understand your concern. You're concerned that he doesn't have that "love above all" feeling. Don't forget though that he is on a high. He has apporval to live out a dream that he has desired. He's excited about all this. Since it's not part of your dream you're less excited.
No place is perfect, UK, Australia, Canada, USA etc. They are all actually great places that have historically been where people move to for better lives. When someone moves to a new country you need to go with an open mind. If you want this to work you have to feel the adventure of it all.
He's been honest with you. All you need to do is to figure out if he see's you in his life forever. Is this the guy you want to marry? I see by your ages that you're not kids so these are important questions.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 April 2009):
It sounds like he has been planning this for a long time. Ane should have been open with you about that.
If he had told you up front that he was applying for his visa to move out there then you could have made the decision or not got so involved.
The fact he didn't tell you makes me think that he didn't think your relationship was that important and it would probably not last that long anyway.
If you don't want to go then don't. I don't think he thought your relationship was going to be worth staying in the UK for, so why should you gamble that it's going to be worth all the effort you would have to put in for it?
Call it a day and let him go. Tell him he's a twat for not being honest with you and using you this way and not considering your feelings. He could have dealt with this whole situation with you so much better if he had been honest.
Good Luck!! xx
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