A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Was he just after one thing?I was seeing this guy for two weeks. First date went really well as did the second. On the third date we planned to go to the movies (my suggestion) but when he picked me up he was saying that he’d rather order take-out and watch dvd’s at his place. I felt comfortable around him so I didn’t see a problem with this. He was so excited to see me and kept saying he can’t wait. During the movie at his place he was joking about me staying until the morning, saying that my skirt should be on the floor and also made some innuendo about me wearing my old school uniform for him. Nothing more than kissing happened. I didn’t initiate anything further and he didn’t try. After this he became distant, took forever to reply to my messages and was very short in his responses. One night we started talking and he was asking me to ‘come over since his roommate is out of town.’ I declined and he acted a bit frustrated but didn’t push it. I met up with him the next day at a bar after work and when I asked if he wanted to go catch a movie he said he didn’t feel like it but we could go hang out at his. I stupidly agreed and went. We started kissing and he started to go further but I stopped him and told him I haven’t known him long enough to go that far. He didn’t protest but he pulled away from me and didn’t kiss me the rest of the night. He was then saying how tired he was and I knew that was my cue to go. A few days later I invited him out to the beach but he was very vague about wanting to go and finally just didn’t reply to me when I wanted to confirm when and where to meet me.We talked a few days later and he was saying that we’re still cool but plans were never made to get together again. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in over two weeks.I wouldn’t see him again even if he asked but I’m wondering whether I made a mistake in going to his place if I wasn’t planning on sleeping with him…did he expect this and since I didn’t give in he lost interest? I only do what I’m comfortable with and in this case I wasn’t so I told him.Is it possible that he did want a relationship but me going over so soon and then not doing anything with him made him lose interest?
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female
reader, Anon202020 +, writes (19 May 2009):
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear about your experience with this guy. However, in reaidng your story (and not even knowing you!) I felt so very proud of you! Good on you for keeping to what YOU feel comfortable with and not giving in to his demands... as subtle as he may like to think that they were.
He was definitely only into it for one thing, I'm sorry to say. If he was genuinely after a relationship with a woman who clearly knows what she wants, he would have been pursuing you something crazy! Guys who are genuine actually respect a woman who doesn't give it all up after a couple of dates... I read a quote once about giving up only one jube jube at a time. If he wants you, he'll savour each one you give him and be back for more.
You were not wrong in going back to his apartment and even LESS wrone for denying him sex. Going back to his apartment is not an invite to him that you are free for the taking. If he can't handle that and can't handle wainting, then you my love, can do much better!
Stick to your guns. You are clearly are smart, strong, independent woman, who knows what she wants and what she doesn't.
A
female
reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (19 May 2009):
By the sounds of things he was only after one thing. You need to look back at your conversations or even your dates.
A friend of mine was in a similar situation. When the get together he used to talk to her about his old relationship or what this girl did to him sexually.
And they were together for almost 4 weeks then he started hitting on her she was so dum to fall for him and once she slept with him he strated to avoid her and he stopped calling or or even messaging her untill he wanted something from her.
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A
female
reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (19 May 2009):
By the sounds of things he was only after one thing. You need to look back at your conversations or even your dates.
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